Thursday, November 26, 2009

Know His Voice

I have no desire to sleep! I'm so tired, but there is so much to do!

Jesus has been wooing me so close! I've been just wanting to isolate myself so that way I can just spend one on one time with Him. It has been so precious. I'm very happy to have these times with Him.

Last Sunday I went to a church service for young adults with some friends. When I go to church, God tends to lead down rabbit trails and teach me things that don't usually have to do with the message of whoever is speaking. I was really trying to concentrate on this man's teaching though, so when he said to turn to Acts 9, I did. Turned out though, He has said Acts 1 something or other, but it was too late! God had sucked me in again, and I was reading the story of how Saul became Paul. I wasn't sure what God was trying to tell me, so the next time the speaker said to turn to another scripture, I did. But once again, I heard him wrong. Or...God was wanting me to hear him wrong lol. I had turned to Luke 7:37 and read through 47. Once I'd finished, God immediately gave me the download. This scripture is about Mary washing Jesus's feet with her tears. I marveled at how Mary did not hesitate to show Jesus how much she loved him, no matter what others thought of her. She was a known sinner. As soon as Paul encountered the Lord, he began proclaiming his love for Jesus. There was no hesitation or shame in their actions. It was like they saw no other way to behave.

In Luke 7:44-47, Jesus says, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give water for My feet, but she washed My feet with tears, and wiped off with the hairs of her head. You gave Me no kiss, but she from when I entered did not stop fervently kissing My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with ointment. For this reason I say to you, her many sins are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, he loves little."

I immediately knew what God was trying to tell me. Saul/Paul and Mary has sinned greatly, so when they were forgiven, they understood better what He had done for them. They were willing to do ANYTHING to show their love to Him. They did not see what they did to be a hard thing to do. It was not hard for them. They probably didn't think for a second, "God is causing me to look weird and to do strange things. People aren't going to like me, and I'm going to be looked down on because of this."

I want to love God like THAT! I want to love Him like I have done the worst things ever, but He forgave me and loves me freely! I don't want to hesitate anymore! I don't want to see things as hard to do! I want to LOVE to do those things! I want to see doing those things as my only choice! Ofcourse I have no choice but to do these things for God, because He is asking me to. And these things are SO SO little compared to what He has and is doing for me! It is THE LEAST I can do!

Right now, He is asking me to spend time alone with Him instead of going to church. As I was praying for the grace to do this, I heard my spirit crying out "ISOLATE ME! ISOLATE ME!" over and over and over again. And I realized that being alone with Him is what I desire right now! Him asking me to do this is actually His response to my spirit's cry. He is the only one who understands me fully. And lately, I can feel others not understanding me, and therefore judging me. I don't like it, and the one thing I want to do is just run into His arms and never leave.

He asking me to take more risks in life, which will teach me to lean more and more on Him, which causes deeper intimacy. The purpose of my whole life is all about intimacy with Jesus, and that intimacy being able to grow more and more. I'm SO looking forward to this!

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