Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Hide and Seek

I am basically feeling a bit lost. Jesus has assured me that He is going to show me my destiny this year, but I'm not feeling patient. During my first class on Monday, I had to stand up and talk about what my plans were after school. HA HAHAHA! ha. I had no idea. and that is what I said.

I know that I am interested in a lot of things. They are scattered pieces. Jesus has also assured me that those pieces are going to come together and make sense this year. I believe Him. I really do. And I really am not feeling too anxious about that. I think the reason I feel so anxious is because of what He asked me last night. He asked me what I want. What do I want to do? I had no answer. He said that the reason He was asking me this is because we are one and He wants what I want, or I want what He wants...

Since I had no answer I freaked out. I used to know what I wanted, but then everything changed a couple years ago. When I was done freaking out, Jesus said, "We'll figure it out together, don't worry. Trust me."


I have a few hours in between my Tuesday and Thursday classes. I was talking to God about how Tuesday was awful because I made the mistake of doing my homework during this break, which caused me to be mentally tired by the time I got to college algebra because I never stopped and let my mind chill.

In the middle of me complaining to God about this He stopped me and said, "Why don't you give that time to me?"

It caught me off guard, since I thought He'd be on board with the whole being productive and doing homework thing. But it actually makes me think of Psalm 127, which is all about letting God take care of us.

So I'll do that, and stop worrying about the future. Trust. When I let go of all of these worries that He has not even given me, let Him "take the wheel" (ha.), that is when clarity rises to the surface. I have clarity! Clarity is mine! NO MORE DOUBT! yes.

After class on Monday, I didn't really spend time with God like I had been before. I was frustrated, and hid. It really reminded me of Jonah in a way. I let one thing get me down, instead of holding onto my joy. I HAVE to hold onto my joy. Which means remembering that God knows the plans He has for me. Yes indeed, there are a great many promises He has made. My God is an Awesome God, and I am in love with Him.

"O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are, you have slumber'd upon yourself all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed, premature death, all these I part aside."

~from "To You" by Walt Whitman

No comments:

Post a Comment