Thursday, June 10, 2010

Impersonalizing God

So today I was in the car, enjoying some worship music (Sergio's music actually, he is a talented and anointed friend of mine). I was checking out my insides, seeing how I felt spiritually. I realized that although I could feel the Holy Spirit, I still felt like I wasn't prioritizing enough with my time, and that I needed to press in more and do all of this stuff. This was strange, because for the past couple of days, despite being busy, I had been hearing God so clearly, receiving revelation about many things.

I told God this, and asked Him what I was doing wrong where I would feel like this, like I was doing EVERYTHING wrong and that I was being unfaithful to God. God said, "You have impersonalized me." And then I got the download.

I watched a movie with my family last night, "Oh, God!". It's from the 70s, and has John Denver (I love John Denver's music SO FREAKIN MUCH! You have no idea. So this was exciting to see him in a movie) playing the main character. John Denver plays a grocery store employee who God decides to visit. When God first shows up, it's just through an intercom system, and His voice sounds like any other human's voice. When John Denver asks God why this is, God says, "I'm relating."

So when God used the word "impersonalize" and I remembered this scene, I realized that I had been setting God way, WAY up high, outside of me and out of reach.

This could not be any further from the truth.

God wants to be my BEST FRIEND, and I have been pushing Him away by not letting Him get personal with me, intimate. I somehow forgot how EASY it is to have a relationship with Jesus. I don't have to raise up to His level, and He doesn't have to come down to mine, and we don't even have to meet half way!

"And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; and that ye put on the new man, which, after God, is created in righteousness and true holiness." Ephesians 4:23-24

He has made me righteous and holy, and has raised me up to be on His level.

Do you realize how terrible it was to have forgotten this?!? I look back now and see when it happened. It started when I thought that being close to God = praying for people for healing, prophesying, worshiping, dancing, fasting...not true at all. These things are good, but not when we believe that doing these things brings us relationship with God, when it is actually the exact opposite. Relationship with God births these things.

I realized this past Saturday night that God is a stranger to me. He knows me inside and out, sure. But what do I know about God and how He feels about things? What are His opinions, was His day?

Then I realized that God HAD been communicating His feelings to me. I have been having these dreams, especially for the past year, that aren't about me, and not necessarily about friends or family. And God has also been just talking to me about the church, random people...lots of stuff. But it was freaking me out, especially the dreams, because I didn't understand why I NEEDED to know that stuff. But now I realize, that was just God letting me know what is going on with Him. He wants to share these things with me because we're friends. I was totally making our relationship all about me. If what He was telling me didn't have something to do with MY life, directly, I saw no point in knowing.

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