Tuesday, October 4, 2011
"This is how I show my love."
Wow. The problem really was me thinking that I needed to change. I had not realized that I was in a constant state of thinking that I could be just a little bit better if I tried hard enough. So I was constantly trying, and constantly striving, and constantly failing.
Today I just was, and it was AMAZING! What is even more amazing is that I felt like I did when I was kid. I didn't feel the need to judge myself. I didn't have any reason to think that anything I was doing was wrong.
And I realized how I had really made a mess of things whenever I began to believe the lie that I needed to change the way I live. I was living just fine. I wasn't constantly navel-gazing, worrying that I was doing something wrong or wasting time. I just lived, abiding in the vine. I was so care-free! I still had responsibilities and activities, but I was able to enjoy them.
Today it was suddenly there, the same as it was before, the way I lived as a child. I floated around all day. It. Was. AMAZING!
I also realized the existence of RadioU's Worst of the R!OT podcast on iTunes! I put one of those suckers onto Wisteria II, and my car ride to Advisement today was so much fun! I had forgotten how funny Obadiah and Nikki are. I am currently downloading all of their podcasts and putting them onto Wisteria II. Oh yes. This, and my audio book, and my IHOP teachings, and my music...I am so set. (I was listening to Rick Pino also, and OMGOSH! That totally go my mind in a great place before work.) Not to mention the catching up I sometimes get to do with my friends on the phone. I am determined to stay positive about all the time I have to spend driving. It does not have to be a miserable time, and so it won't.
So away I SAIL.