Thursday, December 1, 2011

I visited a church located very close on Sunday. The service was very sweet and genuine. I talked to a lovely girl after, the pastor's daughter, as well as her sister.

I visited The Wesley Foundation on Wednesday night. It was nothing short of amazing. I got to dance, and received ministry.

I am hesitant to jump into things quickly. Whenever I do, it tends to fizzle out quick. So I'll just keep an eye out for the signs that I know God has along this road I'm traveling, and keep visiting both places when I can.

Now about leaving school...I keep having to say no to discouragement about my future. And I am having to say no to depression also. It's crazy looking at everything I have done so far, my 14 years dancing, my Associate's degree in Social Work, my time with God, and then look at myself where I am at.

It's all going to be okay, and I know that God has always had a plan for me. I am on the right path, as strange as it looks to me. Everything around me is so unfamiliar. I am not used to not doing something constantly to prepare me for the future. There was always dance, all day, every day. There was always college classes, teaching me all sorts of life lessons.

No I just live out my days, extremely unsure of where God is taking me. I don't understand why I am here, and I keep trying to kick the thought away that I did something, made some sort of mistake that put me in the shoes I am wearing today. But I couldn't dance anymore, because it broke my heart and I lost my vision completely. And I couldn't become a Dietitian, because I didn't realize how much science was involved, and I was not wired to be that person who can know and remember all of those things.

And I could be a lot of other things that I would be good at, and probably enjoy, but do I have a vision for it?

I want to see people changed. I want to see cycles broken. People who didn't know they could live life differently see miracles explode throughout their lives. But where is my place in all of that. Where does God have me being in the future?

The girl who prayed for me last night during the ministry time at The Wesley Foundation prayed that God would help me during this hard season of my life. I didn't tell her that I was having a hard season, so it was encouraging to hear. Validating to know that God sees every thing I am going through, hearing all of my prayers, and that he has a plan (the girl's words to me in her prayer). Man, it was so good. I am so ready to forget this time and remember God's promises for me.

I love you, God, no matter what it takes. Obedience is what you deserve.

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