Wednesday, February 1, 2012

You Still Hurt Me

I had a dream a couple nights ago that ended with me getting pulled over by a policeman for speeding. I was on a back road that looked similar to the one I take to and from work. I have never seen a police car on this road, so I didn't think the dream had much significance.

Tonight, I was about to round a curve on the back road when I remembered the dream. I then felt sure that there would be a policeman on the other side of the curve, so I checked my speed. The speed limit had changed a mile back, but I had not slowed down, and was going about 10 over the speed for this section of the road. Better to be safe than sorry, I thought. I eased off the gas.

Not only was there a police car, but there was a police car in the middle of the road, backing onto the side of the street. Since I had already slowed down to the designated speed limit, I was able to slow down further to avoid hitting the car.

Because I keep having dreams like this, and these feelings that have meaning, would it be wrong or crazy of me to pay attention to other feelings I have?

For example, this week I have not been able to shake off thoughts of a certain ex-friend of mine. She and I did not end things well, although I did what I could to not offend her while drawing my own healthy boundaries. These thoughts of her may have to do with my recent accomplishments in my life. When we were friends, and I accomplished something, she liked to take more than her share of the credit, and it made me uncomfortable. I hated it, and I'm happy to see me succeeding now without her trying to tell me what to do and how to get it done.

And I think I'm afraid that it may happen again somehow, and I'm not sure how to prevent it.

But I'm also sure that my fears are misplaced. That girl is not part of my life anymore, and she never will be. I have the Lord on my side, and he is taking care of me. He reminds me to slow down when I don't see the signs that tell me to do so.

I honestly don't know how to forgive this girl. I'm still pretty hurt, despite the falling out happening last July. Maybe time will heal me. It has before, as long as I didn't ignore the hurt. I had to face it, every single day, until it was out and behind me for good.

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