Today was Awesome. Why? Because God is in control, and He is the love of my life. When I don't know what will make me happy, He shows me (like not watching tv, being bold, prophesying, painting, writing songs, teaching dance).
I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as You are driving me home.
Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as You are driving me home.
"Do they collide?"
I ask and You smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.
"When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time."
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Chillax
God is SO much more chillax then we realize. There's coffee time, there's pruning, there's skateboarding...(for new readers, this is not supposed to make sense).
A couple nights ago, I went to bed and kept thinking about how much time I had wasted that day. There seemed to be so many things that I had not gotten accomplished that I had told myself I would do.
God suddenly interrupted me and said, "You were so productive today!"
"Huh?"
"You got a lot done today! Think about it."
I started thinking through the day, focusing instead what I had done. I realized that He was right! I had gotten some important things done. I had spent time with God, survived my classes, other various little things. All of that was important to God! Sure, I could have done better, but God was NOT even thinking that. He was cheering me on the whole time!
His mindset is so different from ours! Why do I keep forgetting that He isn't shaking His head at me? He is pleased with me. Here is some more of Hebrews 11.
"By faith Enoch was translated so as not to see death, and was not found because God translated him. For before his translation, he had obtained witness to have been pleasing to God. But without faith it is impossible to please God. For it is right that the one drawing near to God should believe that He is, and that He becomes a rewarder to the ones seeking Him out." Hebrews 11:5-6
Then last night, God said, "You are My ideal."
I said, "God, I'm not perfect!"
He responded, "My ideal is not about being perfect. It's about loving Me!"
WHOA.
It's a complete paradigm shift for me. God does not want perfection from me! He wants love, a relationship. And I'm allowed to give myself a pat on the back after a normal weekday. God says I did amazing, He says I'm His ideal. And "if God said it, I believe it, and that settles it." - Matthew Tate
Susan Boyle rocks my world
And though I may not know the answers
I can finally say I am free
And if the questions led me here, then
I am who I was born to be
And so here am I
Open arms and ready to stand
I've got the world in my hands
And it feels like my turn to fly
A couple nights ago, I went to bed and kept thinking about how much time I had wasted that day. There seemed to be so many things that I had not gotten accomplished that I had told myself I would do.
God suddenly interrupted me and said, "You were so productive today!"
"Huh?"
"You got a lot done today! Think about it."
I started thinking through the day, focusing instead what I had done. I realized that He was right! I had gotten some important things done. I had spent time with God, survived my classes, other various little things. All of that was important to God! Sure, I could have done better, but God was NOT even thinking that. He was cheering me on the whole time!
His mindset is so different from ours! Why do I keep forgetting that He isn't shaking His head at me? He is pleased with me. Here is some more of Hebrews 11.
"By faith Enoch was translated so as not to see death, and was not found because God translated him. For before his translation, he had obtained witness to have been pleasing to God. But without faith it is impossible to please God. For it is right that the one drawing near to God should believe that He is, and that He becomes a rewarder to the ones seeking Him out." Hebrews 11:5-6
Then last night, God said, "You are My ideal."
I said, "God, I'm not perfect!"
He responded, "My ideal is not about being perfect. It's about loving Me!"
WHOA.
It's a complete paradigm shift for me. God does not want perfection from me! He wants love, a relationship. And I'm allowed to give myself a pat on the back after a normal weekday. God says I did amazing, He says I'm His ideal. And "if God said it, I believe it, and that settles it." - Matthew Tate
Susan Boyle rocks my world
And though I may not know the answers
I can finally say I am free
And if the questions led me here, then
I am who I was born to be
And so here am I
Open arms and ready to stand
I've got the world in my hands
And it feels like my turn to fly
Monday, January 25, 2010
Unlocked Mind
God has definitely been clearing out my mind lately. I had NO idea what was clouding up my mind. He had me cut out tv shows first, which surprised me. I didn't realize that tv was taking up so much of my time until I stopped watching it. It was also the main thing that was blocking my mind from God, and therefore keeping me in the cycle I spoke of in my last blog.
The other thing clouding a portion of my mind was other people's beliefs about me. I had been taking these things to heart and believing them to be true. God had me loose that cloud from my mind, and assured me that I am ONLY who He has made me to be!
Doing these things made me see how my mind really is a beautiful place. I did not know before how important our mind is. After all, when we get to heaven, we still think. We'll still have a mind. It's connected to our spirit. My mind was beautiful before, but all that beauty was hidden beneath the worldly murkiness that I was letting hover over it.
God said that this will help me in every area of my life, especially my creativity. My mind has been unlocked.
Darest thou now O soul,
Walk out with me toward the unknown region,
Where neither ground is for the feet nor any path to follow?
No map there, nor guide,
Nor voice sounding, nor touch of human hand,
Nor face with blooming flesh, nor lips, nor eyes, are in that land.
I know it not O soul,
Nor dost thou, all is blank before us,
All waits undream'd of in that region, that inaccessible land.
Till when the ties loosen,
All but the ties eternal, Time and Space,
Nor darkness, gravitation, sense, nor any bounds bounding us.
Then we burst forth, we float,
In Time and Space O soul, prepared for them,
Equal, equipt at last, (O joy! O fruit of all!) them to fulfill O soul.
~ Darest Thou Now O Soul by Walt Whitman
The other thing clouding a portion of my mind was other people's beliefs about me. I had been taking these things to heart and believing them to be true. God had me loose that cloud from my mind, and assured me that I am ONLY who He has made me to be!
Doing these things made me see how my mind really is a beautiful place. I did not know before how important our mind is. After all, when we get to heaven, we still think. We'll still have a mind. It's connected to our spirit. My mind was beautiful before, but all that beauty was hidden beneath the worldly murkiness that I was letting hover over it.
God said that this will help me in every area of my life, especially my creativity. My mind has been unlocked.
Darest thou now O soul,
Walk out with me toward the unknown region,
Where neither ground is for the feet nor any path to follow?
No map there, nor guide,
Nor voice sounding, nor touch of human hand,
Nor face with blooming flesh, nor lips, nor eyes, are in that land.
I know it not O soul,
Nor dost thou, all is blank before us,
All waits undream'd of in that region, that inaccessible land.
Till when the ties loosen,
All but the ties eternal, Time and Space,
Nor darkness, gravitation, sense, nor any bounds bounding us.
Then we burst forth, we float,
In Time and Space O soul, prepared for them,
Equal, equipt at last, (O joy! O fruit of all!) them to fulfill O soul.
~ Darest Thou Now O Soul by Walt Whitman
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
New Place
I am very merry happy! God gave me the okay to go to The Well this weekend, which was AWESOME! I feel like I'm entering into a new season in which I'll be allowed to be there more. I'm excited about that, because I love my friends, and they love me. We build each other up, and I would not mind moving closer to them. I've often wondered if that is where God is going to have me move. We'll see...
On a more serious note, let me share what God has been revealing to me about, well, me. But I do believe others will probably relate. It seems that most of us are in a similar season of transition, and God preparing us for our destiny. Some of you may identify with this word I'm about to share.
This past Saturday, my prophetic anointing was woken up. My boss, El Parker, prophesied to me that I was going to be able to prophesy every hour. Not only did I then prophesy at work, I carried it over to The Well and even when we ate at IHOP afterwards. By Sunday, my friend Moshe I suppose was curious, and he asked me how this all came to pass. I told him, and being in the car with our mutual friend, Dorsey, Moshe suggested we play a game. He said, "You're going to get a word for one of us, but I'm not going to tell you who it is for, and after you say it I will tell you." I heard God start laughing, and wondered at what was so funny, but said what immediately came to mind anyway.
"I see you spinning around in circles, like a sick-cycle-carousel. You've been spinning around in a cycle over and over again. God just wants to reach right in and pull you out of that cycle and set you somewhere completely new, into a new place, a new thing, far away from that cycle so it has no power over you and can't touch you anymore."
After I said this, there was a pause. I had no idea to whom I had just prophesied. Moshe then turned and said, "Okay, so that word was for you."
I screamed "MOSHE! OH MY GOD! That is exactly what is going on with me right now!"
I couldn't believe that I had just prophesied to myself, and screamed at Moshe for the duration of the car ride, or so it seemed. I was pretty worked up.
I understood now why God had been suddenly burst out laughing.
I have definitely been caught of in a cycle for years now it seems. I have these days, like this weekend, in which I reach a higher level and am floating on a cloud. Then I suddenly come under attack, and can't seem to fight it off when it first starts. These attacks tend to come at me sideways. This last one came at me around 12:00 am on Tuesday. I was having many discouraging thoughts, hearing lies from the enemy, and the problem was that they made sense! But they did not align with the promises that God has made, so I knew they were lies. Still, the thoughts stayed with me until I was able to finally talk to my wonderful friend Dyan, and she prayed with me. Things that have happened in my life recently that looked negative to me, she showed me how they were actually positive, and said that she was pretty "jazzed" when she first heard about them. I realized that she was right. I am truly on the right path, and just need to keep my eyes on Jesus. Nothing bad has happened even, and there were never any signs of anything bad happening! It is amazing what the enemy can convince us of believing.
A verse that God has been speaking to my heart lately is Hebrews 11:1 especially, but also through to verse 3.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not being seen. For by this the elders obtained witness. By faith we understand the worlds to have been framed by the word of God, so that the things seen should not come into being out of things that appear."
(The whole chapter is about holding onto faith and the promises of God, it will really minister to those of you who feel your hope falling away)
I had always heard this verse and thought it was about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, because we can't see them. When I actually read the whole chapter a couple years ago, I realized that it was about promises from God. BUT, it was not until last week when I realized that it is talking about me! It's talking about you! It's talking about the promises that God has for us. You could look at my current situation and not see any SUBSTANCE or EVIDENCE of God's promises being fulfilled any time soon. But according to this verse, that DOES NOT MATTER! Because I have faith, because I believe that God knows the plans He has for me, I KNOW that He is keeping His promises to me even now! I just can't see it, and that is okay. I still believe.
God gave me a dream in the late summer of 2008 in which the perfect job fell directly into my lap, because God sent them my resume. That dream started being fulfilled last summer, was completely fulfilled in September. So over a year later, God fulfilled His promise. And while I was waiting, I would tell my friends, "I know I don't have a job right now, but that is okay, because God has the perfect job waiting for me." Some thought I was crazy, or just being lazy. But here I am with a job that is really stretching and equipping me spiritually, and I'm also able to use my dance talents, as well as learn useful administrator skills.
Here is a smaller example. At the end of 2009, as an act of faith, I thanked God for the new wardrobe that I was going to get in 2010. At the beginning of last week, Dad suddenly said, "Jenny, you should go shopping. You should take Mom with you and buy some new clothes." If you know Dad, you know that this was a BIG deal for him to give not only me permission to go shopping, but also take Mom! My mom, who will shop even after she drops!
Pray over the promises and words that you have received that have not happened yet. Call forth those things into being! Thank God in advance for what He is already doing that you just haven't been able to see yet. Claim it! Receive it!
As for me leaving this cycle, it's not GOING to happen. It's happening!
Oh, and talk about powerful! here is some glory sauce from youtube
On a more serious note, let me share what God has been revealing to me about, well, me. But I do believe others will probably relate. It seems that most of us are in a similar season of transition, and God preparing us for our destiny. Some of you may identify with this word I'm about to share.
This past Saturday, my prophetic anointing was woken up. My boss, El Parker, prophesied to me that I was going to be able to prophesy every hour. Not only did I then prophesy at work, I carried it over to The Well and even when we ate at IHOP afterwards. By Sunday, my friend Moshe I suppose was curious, and he asked me how this all came to pass. I told him, and being in the car with our mutual friend, Dorsey, Moshe suggested we play a game. He said, "You're going to get a word for one of us, but I'm not going to tell you who it is for, and after you say it I will tell you." I heard God start laughing, and wondered at what was so funny, but said what immediately came to mind anyway.
"I see you spinning around in circles, like a sick-cycle-carousel. You've been spinning around in a cycle over and over again. God just wants to reach right in and pull you out of that cycle and set you somewhere completely new, into a new place, a new thing, far away from that cycle so it has no power over you and can't touch you anymore."
After I said this, there was a pause. I had no idea to whom I had just prophesied. Moshe then turned and said, "Okay, so that word was for you."
I screamed "MOSHE! OH MY GOD! That is exactly what is going on with me right now!"
I couldn't believe that I had just prophesied to myself, and screamed at Moshe for the duration of the car ride, or so it seemed. I was pretty worked up.
I understood now why God had been suddenly burst out laughing.
I have definitely been caught of in a cycle for years now it seems. I have these days, like this weekend, in which I reach a higher level and am floating on a cloud. Then I suddenly come under attack, and can't seem to fight it off when it first starts. These attacks tend to come at me sideways. This last one came at me around 12:00 am on Tuesday. I was having many discouraging thoughts, hearing lies from the enemy, and the problem was that they made sense! But they did not align with the promises that God has made, so I knew they were lies. Still, the thoughts stayed with me until I was able to finally talk to my wonderful friend Dyan, and she prayed with me. Things that have happened in my life recently that looked negative to me, she showed me how they were actually positive, and said that she was pretty "jazzed" when she first heard about them. I realized that she was right. I am truly on the right path, and just need to keep my eyes on Jesus. Nothing bad has happened even, and there were never any signs of anything bad happening! It is amazing what the enemy can convince us of believing.
A verse that God has been speaking to my heart lately is Hebrews 11:1 especially, but also through to verse 3.
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not being seen. For by this the elders obtained witness. By faith we understand the worlds to have been framed by the word of God, so that the things seen should not come into being out of things that appear."
(The whole chapter is about holding onto faith and the promises of God, it will really minister to those of you who feel your hope falling away)
I had always heard this verse and thought it was about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, because we can't see them. When I actually read the whole chapter a couple years ago, I realized that it was about promises from God. BUT, it was not until last week when I realized that it is talking about me! It's talking about you! It's talking about the promises that God has for us. You could look at my current situation and not see any SUBSTANCE or EVIDENCE of God's promises being fulfilled any time soon. But according to this verse, that DOES NOT MATTER! Because I have faith, because I believe that God knows the plans He has for me, I KNOW that He is keeping His promises to me even now! I just can't see it, and that is okay. I still believe.
God gave me a dream in the late summer of 2008 in which the perfect job fell directly into my lap, because God sent them my resume. That dream started being fulfilled last summer, was completely fulfilled in September. So over a year later, God fulfilled His promise. And while I was waiting, I would tell my friends, "I know I don't have a job right now, but that is okay, because God has the perfect job waiting for me." Some thought I was crazy, or just being lazy. But here I am with a job that is really stretching and equipping me spiritually, and I'm also able to use my dance talents, as well as learn useful administrator skills.
Here is a smaller example. At the end of 2009, as an act of faith, I thanked God for the new wardrobe that I was going to get in 2010. At the beginning of last week, Dad suddenly said, "Jenny, you should go shopping. You should take Mom with you and buy some new clothes." If you know Dad, you know that this was a BIG deal for him to give not only me permission to go shopping, but also take Mom! My mom, who will shop even after she drops!
Pray over the promises and words that you have received that have not happened yet. Call forth those things into being! Thank God in advance for what He is already doing that you just haven't been able to see yet. Claim it! Receive it!
As for me leaving this cycle, it's not GOING to happen. It's happening!
Oh, and talk about powerful! here is some glory sauce from youtube
Monday, January 11, 2010
Skateboarding
I'm figuratively learning how to skateboard. I had a dream in which Jesus was teaching me how to skateboard, and I was falling a lot. He was patient and we didn't seem to be in a huge hurry to finish learning, but it was important. I was uncomfortable though with the skateboard, and didn't like falling, although falling wasn't a big deal to Jesus. He'd just urge me to get back on the skateboard and we'd go again. Suddenly I found I had on roller blades, and I was thinking "yes, I'll just roller blade! I like roller blading, I shouldn't have to fool with that skateboard, and I'm REALLY tired of constantly falling. I can get to where I need to be with the roller blades." I was now with a little girl and I started teaching her how to roller blade. I then found that I was uncomfortable with stopping on the roller blades.
What I realize is that when I decided to just stick with the roller blades, my comfort zone, Jesus was no longer with me. Now you may say, "It's good though that you were helping someone else learn this skill of roller blading." But is it really good? I don't think so. If Jesus is not with you, then what good is it? In Psalm 127, it says that everything done without God is done in vain.
So the difference between skateboarding and roller blading in Understanding The Dreams You Dream (a wonderful Christian book that is like a dictionary for dreams) is balance and speed. Sure, I already knew how to move around in roller blades and could move a lot quicker on them. Which meant I would reach my destination sooner. But in the end, I realized that it wasn't about the timing of my arrival, it was how I was going to get there. On a skateboard, I would have to have great balance and always pay careful attention to everything about my person. I think that stopping is significant too, since it was hard and scary for me to stop on roller blades. I can't be so focused on my destination that I stop paying attention to Jesus, who is my REAL destination. And sometimes He does like to stop me for whatever reason.
So skateboarding it is!
What I realize is that when I decided to just stick with the roller blades, my comfort zone, Jesus was no longer with me. Now you may say, "It's good though that you were helping someone else learn this skill of roller blading." But is it really good? I don't think so. If Jesus is not with you, then what good is it? In Psalm 127, it says that everything done without God is done in vain.
So the difference between skateboarding and roller blading in Understanding The Dreams You Dream (a wonderful Christian book that is like a dictionary for dreams) is balance and speed. Sure, I already knew how to move around in roller blades and could move a lot quicker on them. Which meant I would reach my destination sooner. But in the end, I realized that it wasn't about the timing of my arrival, it was how I was going to get there. On a skateboard, I would have to have great balance and always pay careful attention to everything about my person. I think that stopping is significant too, since it was hard and scary for me to stop on roller blades. I can't be so focused on my destination that I stop paying attention to Jesus, who is my REAL destination. And sometimes He does like to stop me for whatever reason.
So skateboarding it is!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Hide and Seek
I am basically feeling a bit lost. Jesus has assured me that He is going to show me my destiny this year, but I'm not feeling patient. During my first class on Monday, I had to stand up and talk about what my plans were after school. HA HAHAHA! ha. I had no idea. and that is what I said.
I know that I am interested in a lot of things. They are scattered pieces. Jesus has also assured me that those pieces are going to come together and make sense this year. I believe Him. I really do. And I really am not feeling too anxious about that. I think the reason I feel so anxious is because of what He asked me last night. He asked me what I want. What do I want to do? I had no answer. He said that the reason He was asking me this is because we are one and He wants what I want, or I want what He wants...
Since I had no answer I freaked out. I used to know what I wanted, but then everything changed a couple years ago. When I was done freaking out, Jesus said, "We'll figure it out together, don't worry. Trust me."
Trust.
I have a few hours in between my Tuesday and Thursday classes. I was talking to God about how Tuesday was awful because I made the mistake of doing my homework during this break, which caused me to be mentally tired by the time I got to college algebra because I never stopped and let my mind chill.
In the middle of me complaining to God about this He stopped me and said, "Why don't you give that time to me?"
It caught me off guard, since I thought He'd be on board with the whole being productive and doing homework thing. But it actually makes me think of Psalm 127, which is all about letting God take care of us.
So I'll do that, and stop worrying about the future. Trust. When I let go of all of these worries that He has not even given me, let Him "take the wheel" (ha.), that is when clarity rises to the surface. I have clarity! Clarity is mine! NO MORE DOUBT! yes.
After class on Monday, I didn't really spend time with God like I had been before. I was frustrated, and hid. It really reminded me of Jonah in a way. I let one thing get me down, instead of holding onto my joy. I HAVE to hold onto my joy. Which means remembering that God knows the plans He has for me. Yes indeed, there are a great many promises He has made. My God is an Awesome God, and I am in love with Him.
"O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are, you have slumber'd upon yourself all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries.
The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed, premature death, all these I part aside."
~from "To You" by Walt Whitman
I know that I am interested in a lot of things. They are scattered pieces. Jesus has also assured me that those pieces are going to come together and make sense this year. I believe Him. I really do. And I really am not feeling too anxious about that. I think the reason I feel so anxious is because of what He asked me last night. He asked me what I want. What do I want to do? I had no answer. He said that the reason He was asking me this is because we are one and He wants what I want, or I want what He wants...
Since I had no answer I freaked out. I used to know what I wanted, but then everything changed a couple years ago. When I was done freaking out, Jesus said, "We'll figure it out together, don't worry. Trust me."
Trust.
I have a few hours in between my Tuesday and Thursday classes. I was talking to God about how Tuesday was awful because I made the mistake of doing my homework during this break, which caused me to be mentally tired by the time I got to college algebra because I never stopped and let my mind chill.
In the middle of me complaining to God about this He stopped me and said, "Why don't you give that time to me?"
It caught me off guard, since I thought He'd be on board with the whole being productive and doing homework thing. But it actually makes me think of Psalm 127, which is all about letting God take care of us.
So I'll do that, and stop worrying about the future. Trust. When I let go of all of these worries that He has not even given me, let Him "take the wheel" (ha.), that is when clarity rises to the surface. I have clarity! Clarity is mine! NO MORE DOUBT! yes.
After class on Monday, I didn't really spend time with God like I had been before. I was frustrated, and hid. It really reminded me of Jonah in a way. I let one thing get me down, instead of holding onto my joy. I HAVE to hold onto my joy. Which means remembering that God knows the plans He has for me. Yes indeed, there are a great many promises He has made. My God is an Awesome God, and I am in love with Him.
"O I could sing such grandeurs and glories about you!
You have not known what you are, you have slumber'd upon yourself all your life,
Your eyelids have been the same as closed most of the time,
What you have done returns already in mockeries.
The mockeries are not you,
Underneath them and within them I see you lurk,
I pursue you where none else has pursued you,
Silence, the desk, the flippant expression, the night, the accustom'd routine, if these conceal you from others or from yourself, they do not conceal you from me,
The shaved face, the unsteady eye, the impure complexion, if these balk others they do not balk me,
The pert apparel, the deform'd attitude, drunkenness, greed, premature death, all these I part aside."
~from "To You" by Walt Whitman
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Moonpies
I had a break between classes today that was over 2 hours, but is now 4 hours, thanks to my first teacher not teaching. I did not think ahead and get me some snacks, so on the way out the door I stole 2 of Dad's moonpies from his sacred kitchen cabinet. I believe I'm in for it when I get home.
So Dad, I apologize.
They are REALLY good though. I understand now your obsession.
(I also took 2 snickers, which I may return...or not)
Anywho, I actually did my homework and have lots of time to spare. This is crazy. I never have time to spare. I instead waste time and then rush the homework or fake my way through it.
I've been getting a lot of nature time in lately. I'm not sure where or when I left it behind, but I used to LOVE spending time outdoors watching nature. God reminded me of this in the summer, and I am finally making a sincere effort to reclaim this love. It's cold though. It's really cold...
Also, I'm going to finally get my passport.
So Dad, I apologize.
They are REALLY good though. I understand now your obsession.
(I also took 2 snickers, which I may return...or not)
Anywho, I actually did my homework and have lots of time to spare. This is crazy. I never have time to spare. I instead waste time and then rush the homework or fake my way through it.
I've been getting a lot of nature time in lately. I'm not sure where or when I left it behind, but I used to LOVE spending time outdoors watching nature. God reminded me of this in the summer, and I am finally making a sincere effort to reclaim this love. It's cold though. It's really cold...
Also, I'm going to finally get my passport.
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