Where My Faith Is

OOOkay.

So, the past couple weeks, I've really felt like I'm supposed to come to grasps with why I follow Jesus. Why I love Him. It's because He saved my life and I'd be lost without Him. Plain and simple. Even if I didn't get relief in His presence, and even if I was persecuted all the time and it looked like He has forsaken me, I still want to follow Him. I don't love Him because of those things (they are MORE than wonderful and I'm so grateful, but I'm talking about the ROOT of my faith and trust in Jesus). And plus, those things are bound to happen, and have happened to me. I wouldn't be where I am today if I had stopped trusting Him during the dark times. I actually did stop trusting Him for a little while...but that is another story. It only led to depression though, and feeling like I was all alone even when Jesus longed to comfort me.

I started reading Job last week, and I am SO impressed with how he held to his faith! He was absolutely unshaken. A righteous man, who loves and believes in God fiercely, is struck and hit in every possible way, from every possible angle. Everything Job has is taken away, and he is near death because of a nasty sickness he now has. He does cry out for God to have mercy and go ahead and kill him, but he doesn't commit suicide, or even BLAME God. He keeps saying, "Who am I to question the ways of God?" He sees that God has every right to do whatever He wants to do with Job, even if it is torture him (although we know that God only ALLOWED these things to happen, He never caused them). It is a humbling read.

And his wife tells him to curse God so that way God will strike him down, and Job can stop living a gross existence. His friends tell him that God would only let these things happen to Job if he did something wrong, so Job must have sinned. But Job corrects them and says that God does things "past finding out." They seem to think he is crazy (I just finished chapter 9, and my memory is fuzzy from sunday school as to what happens next). And like Job's friends, people, even close friends, have thought and are bound to think in the future that I am crazy to do the things God has me do.

Alright, so this is when I may start sounding weird.

I was just now in bed, trying to go to sleep (I have to work at it LOL). I was once again running in my head why I love God, where I'm putting my faith, when I suddenly had this STRANGE thought. What IF Jesus didn't win in the end. Not saying that Revelation is wrong, but what if it was written differently. What if the Bible said that we didn't get the victory, where would I be putting my faith right now? Would I stick by God's side anyway, and fall with Him? I'm not exactly sure what I mean by "fall"...

I guess it would be like marrying someone who lost their job and had no means to support me. Someone who no one else liked and saw as a complete loser. Yet I stayed married to him and loved him, because what he DID offer me was perfect love and understanding.

Not saying that would really happen with Jesus. VICTORY IS OURS! WOOT! It's just something to think about. Kind of puts things into perspective, why we love God. I mean, it's not even just because He saved us. It's also because God is GOOD! ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! He is perfect and wise in every single way.

Alright, I'm done here. Going to once again try to woo in the sandman.