Dreams of mine, fly away.

I am in training. I didn't realize this until about 20 minutes ago when God told me. I looked up the definition.

Train-verb (used with an object)
to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of (a child or other person) by discipline and instruction: to train an unruly boy.

This is not a pause in my life or me bumming around. This isn't a transition period or a pruning. What I do everyday greatly affects my future. What I do in my future greatly affects others. Other people's lives depend on my daily actions, on this season.

I can't hold back anymore and I can't be selfish with my time anymore. My life is not my own, and that was my decision. I have to leave behind everything that holds me back: Dreams, goals, friends, hobbies, past times.

I can't do what I want when I want. There are a lot of things that I used to dedicate my life to that can not be an option for me.

I can't hold things inside that need to come out so I can't grow in my relationship with Jesus and my relationships with others. I have to let Jesus help me, especially when it is through others. I can't keep pretending that I'm alone and my actions and decisions don't have anything to do with anyone else's life. I can't hole up inside or hide away to take a deep breather. I have to let go.

God is trying (bless Him) to teach me very important things right now. I can't waste time. I don't want to wast time. I don't want to be behind.

I have to let go.