That moment when everything is forgotten because everything is new.

Want something like that again.

I am coming to realize how I do not love myself like I should. I have no respect for my intelligence, my health, my mind, my spirit. I just cut myself up. I'm beginning to realize this, beginning to realize that I need to shut it off, and beginning to realize that I don't know how.

Where does this come from? No one knows (they are not telling me anywho), but I want it to stop. I feel sick most of the time, so I put things in my mouth to relieve the stress (not even eating, and not even unhealthy, just SOMETHING, like chewing gum).

Where does it lead to? Most likely death, or death of conscious. Either way, no good. So it needs to go away.

Go away. I can't live like this anymore. Go, go, go.

In other news, I have started my church hunt officially. I got pointed in a good direction from a good friend, Dorsey. He's a good egg, with an eloquent way with words. Here is an example from the email I just received in answer to my question of where he was attending church services. (Just highlight the following, as I don't know how to make it better, aka fix it.)

Mine Sister! ...

...I'm super glad to hear that you are seeking a church body to fellowship with because I deeply value and am motivated by the desire and dependency God has given us for community. I think intimate community with the righteous is perhaps God's most obvious vehicle for personal growth, encouragement, and up-building, and to me, the bigger the family, the better (not that we'll all have the same relationships in that family, but I think and I see more and more every one counting). So, I just want to encourage you to really settle in with some folk, wherever the Spirit leads you, or if He lets you pick, wherever you choose, because it is a good thing--a very good thing--and I believe it is God's desire and intention for us. It's amazing what God can and does do with ten, a hundred, a thousand imperfect people being sanctified day by day, from one degree of glory to the next, until the Day of our Lord Jesus, when God completes the good work He began and has carried within us. ....