I'm going with my gut, and my passion. Mom said, "Sometimes it's best to just take action and make a decision, go forward with it. Then if it's not what you're supposed to do, God will let you know."
That is how God and I usually do it. He likes me to work things out, and knows it has always been good for me, even though I'm apparently not very teachable when it comes to learning about how I function, as Mom likes to put it...I take on too much, freak out, and shut down. "This has been your pattern." That is what happened to me last semester. I hate admitting it, true. I want to be Super Woman. But I need to admit it, because I don't want to keep doing it. I'm not supposed to be Super Woman. I'm supposed to be me.
I want to thank everyone who has been praying with me about figuring out what I want. It became clear almost right away. I have always wanted to empower others, and I realize that I need to further my education in order to be able to do that more effectively. So I'm going to slowly work towards a Bachelor's in the social work field, most likely Human Services.
I know that I was afraid of pursuing this before, because I get so into it due to being so passionate to see changes in other's lives. But I can't be afraid of myself anymore, and I can't ignore the power that I feel build inside me whenever I hear someone speak of craving change, of craving more. I can't be afraid of grabbing onto what I want.
I'm not going to try to earn this degree quickly. I feel that it is important that I go very slow, not just so I'm not overwhelmed. I feel a lot of changes in me in the last six months, and I feel that there are more I have yet to see, at least I hope. If I throw my whole life into school, I know that I will start ignoring my spirit again as I did last semester. I shut down pretty hard, and cruised so often on auto-pilot, which is exhausting. I was stunted in my spirit.
Since I made this decision, I have felt a great peace wash over me. It's feels like a soothing balm running over my insides. I also find that I am in love with my daily life again, as strange as that is, since it isn't any different than it was before this decision.
My soul feels righted, as if it had strayed from the path a bit, and has found its way back. I think I am going to be okay. I actually believe it, and I have not been able to think this for a long, long time.
God led me to read Jeremiah 29:10-14, and learn about the context. I had not realized that the Jews were being punished for not allowing the land in Israel to lay fallow every seventh year for...I think it was 490 years. The 70 years of exile in Babylon allowed Israel to remain fallow for the missed amount of time. Then the Jews fought their way back to their land. Victory was, eventually, theirs.
"For thus says the LORD, 'When seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 'I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.'"
Not to say I am being punished, because thank Jesus we now live in full grace, and the old covenant is sunk like a stone in a watery grave, never to be seen again by anyone who chooses (Ah! So good.). But when I read these verses after learning what was going on during that time, I really felt like I was going to have all that I needed, be it a Bachelor's or something else, at the perfect time. I feel like it is all part of God's plan, and that I don't need to rush. God is going to use these next years in great ways that I can't even picture. I am amazed already at how he has used the pain I went through during the last 6 months. I am already amazed to see what he is doing now.
I thank him for every season.
You can all keep praying. That would be so great.
Cool.
ReplyDeleteThe two keys for the getting overly involved to remember are:
1) You are not responsible for changing people. That's their choice and God's job. You are just there to teach the clueless how to change.
2) Start making notes (if you don't have them already) about how you re-charge emotionally. As you move toward a career, build those into your schedule. When you find your husband some day, share with him the importance of those recharge time and ask him to help you keep those pieces in place then as well.
This is such good advice! I do need to make sure boundaries are in place with clients when helping them.
ReplyDeleteI don't often pay attention to how I re-charge emotionally. This is something that I do need to know, and to stay sane, my husband will too. :P
Thanks so much, Oz!