I am a tree.

"A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring storm, waving, swirling, tossing their branches in glorious enthusiasm like worship. But though to the outer ear these trees are now silent, their songs never cease. Every hidden cell is throbbing with music and life, every fibre thrilling like harp strings, while incense is ever flowing from the balsam bells and leaves. No wonder the hills and groves were God's first temples, and the more they are cut down and hewn into cathedrals and churches, the farther off and dimmer seems the Lord." ~ an excerpt from Meditations of John Muir: Nature's Temple.

I read this a few minutes ago as I was sprawled across my made bed, ready to just breath after 150 minutes of nonstop cleaning. I let the book rest on my chest as I relished in the beauty of the words. Then a thought came to me.

I am a tree.

So I thought about John Muir's words, replacing tree with me, and realized that a weight was being lifted as I excepted the truth that I am, indeed, a tree. Even when no one can see it, even when I can't see it or feel it, I am still God's temple. I am always in the act of praise, just by living as a daughter of the King, a bride of Jesus.

I had been making sure that I was sharing my burdens with God and letting Him show me what to do with them for the past few days. The list of burdens had seemed long, since I have been angered easily lately. I was doing this because a recent message from God had been, "I can't put My trust in someone who doesn't bring their burdens to Me. You can't trust someone unless they are putting that same trust in you."

The problem I found with this was that I couldn't ignore my burdens anymore when I shared them. There is no being numb to things when you are discussing and sharing them in detail. It has been bringing up a lot of wounds that I didn't know I had, and letting God heal me has been haaarrrrd. I am constantly tugging my burdens back, then handing them over again, then turning away any balm Jesus wants to rub into my spirit.

All of this has caused me to feel the opposite of a temple of God, but instead a temple of loads of crap. But reading that excerpt made me remember and realize afresh that I am ALWAYS going to be a temple. It will never matter what I feel, or how I am doing inside. It only matters what I believe and walk in everyday, and I believe and walk in my relationship with Jesus. So we're good! I am a big, grand old tree! Maybe I hug the baseline that I imagine exists sometimes with God, but it isn't really there. I just need to let my incense secretly flow.