Jealousy

Sometimes I am not on the same page as my friends. They are excited about something that I am not. excited. about. The need to express ourselves is there though, and I want there to always be freedom between us. So I nod my head and smile, because being different from each other, and being influenced by different things is part of what makes us unique. I can't add my enthusiasm to all of the things we share daily, because we aren't enthusiastic for the same things, but I can show that I acknowledge their passions. And my friends make me think about things I wouldn't usually be stop to think about, because a lot of my passions usually lie elsewhere.

This must be a reason God wired us to need each other; To reach past our own minds, our own motives, our own selfishness, and realize that there is someone there on the other side, experiencing completely different things in their mind's eye.

And since I'm talking about friendships, I'll add this as well. I was thinking today about why I get jealous of some friends, and them of me. Talking to God, he gently said that I can not control my friends' feelings towards me, only my own. He said that I could take it a step further, and try to go to the root of my own jealous heart.

I thought about it, and realized that my jealousy stemmed from my own passiveness towards my own life. When I am jealous of another, it is usually always because they have accomplished something that I have wanted to do, but simply don't.

I said, "If I did what I set out to do everyday, I would have no need for jealousy."

And I saw how I accused myself so often of jealousy, thinking it was caused from being angry at others, when in actuality, it is because I'm angry at myself.

I want to be opposed to self-hatred, so I'm going to start each day striving towards doing what I feel I should be doing each day. I know that God has asked me to do certain things, learn certain things, read certain things, and RARELY do I do it. He only asks because he knows it would make me happy, and steer me towards a clearer future.

So away I go.