Hey there still, small voice.

I was thinking about one of the books I read last year, The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul by Douglas Adams. It is one of my favorite books I have had the pleasure to read so far, and God took the time to speak to me so much through it, and he continues to to this day. This is proof to me that God uses all things for the good of those who love him, even a secular novel.

Tonight he was telling me that, much like the main character in the book, I would not be able to move forward and be happy until I live for a much different purpose.

This seems easy, since I have not seemed to have much of an overall purpose or goal for quite some time. When I have, they have been WRONG. Dead wrong, and God has had to correct me and teach me through it.

Now God was reminding me how the main character, Dirk Gently, could not be raised from his gloomy and murky depression until he began to live his life outside of his own. His depression and way of life had to be invaded, rudely interrupted, in order to shake him awake. Characters who he had not touched in any way before had to matter to him. He had to begin to help them and exist to finish what he had started. He had to want to reach out. He had to begin to teach others what he had learned but forgotten.

(This actually also happened in The Visitation by Frank Peretti. I highly recommend both books, but The Visitation is the one with the Christian author.)

God wants me to do this also. I think that is part of what Cuba is about, and also the dream a had a couple days ago...but that is another blog...which I'll probably write after I finish this one.

So I think this is why I suddenly feel so old, yet so useless. Why I feel not good enough for anyone or anything. Because I AM useful. I AM good enough for someone and something. But the devil is a liar, and is trying to keep me here. Keep me fed with my own apathy, complacency, and depression. Why stop here though? Why not give it a fight?

So away I go.