I am forgiven by Jesus. When friends don't forgive me though, when they don't forget, then I still fight feeling guilty over things that I don't need to be ashamed I did.
I woke up this morning feeling that guilt, after having a dream that brought up mistakes from my past. It reminded me that everything I say and do can have a lasting affect on those around me, those I care about. I hate that I have ever caused friends pain just because I didn't think something through all the way. I have apologized, but this dream made me think back, and realize, that those friends did make me in some way pay for what I have done, and we are now not friends. Their choice. So I woke up wondering how we are supposed to forgive each other, and...have I forgiven those around me, or am I just as bad as these ex-friends of mine?
I don't think that I can forgive without Jesus helping me. And I don't think that my friends, or ex-friends, or anyone, can either. So I can't not forgive my ex-friends for making me feel the guilt, and I would need to forgive them anyway, even if they had wanted me to feel the guilt, and it hadn't been accidental.
So, Jesus. I need help. I don't know how to do this, and I don't want to try without You. Forgiveness is a word that I have heard so much, I believe that I take it for granted. Know that I don't want to anymore. I want to find forgiveness rooted in my heart. I want it to grow in a branch on my tree. I want it to come from You, I want it in my nature.
And I don't want anyone else controlling how I feel, because Forgiveness is real, and I have it. I don't need to be ashamed or feel guilty for any mistakes.
"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell" Matthew 10:28
I know my soul is safe, so no need to fear! Help this fact get rammed into my brain.
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