Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Future

Okay, now you get to hear another section of the skateboarding dream. The dream actually was not about skateboarding. It was about traveling to the cool side of a park. I was on the dark and dreary side, but I could see, a few miles away, the sun breaking through the clouds onto the beautiful, green side of the park. There are many sections of the dream, with many different meanings. But once again, I'm choosing one section to focus on today.

In one part of the dream, Jesus came up to me and said, "Your horse is back from the other side of the park, and he needs you." My horse had gone ahead of me to the other side of the park to prepare the way. He had returned early because he had gotten tired and was getting sick. I needed to take care of him.

I started taking care of my horse, but soon became distracted with another section of the dream. I'll tell you about that section, because it is important. I had taken my horse into a barn, but then climbed into a stall that was full of mud. There were other people in the mud, and we were all moving around in the mud, learning to deal with it. I thought I was being very productive, until Jesus came to me again and reminded me that I needed to take care of my horse. I tried to show him what I was accomplishing, but he just looked at me with a sad expression on his face.

I climbed out of the stall and saw that my horse was now on the ground, very sick. I rushed to take care of him.

When I was interpreting the dream, I had no idea what the horse represented. I knew that the cool side of the park represented my future/destiny. Jesus was helping me learn how to get there properly when I was skateboarding. I also knew that the muddy stall represented my past and present problems that I was trying to deal with or live with. But I was confused why my horse had gone out before me to the cool side of the park. I asked God what the horse was supposed to be. He said, "Your prayers."

I immediately got the download. The horse represents my prayers, and my prayers go out before me, into the future, preparing the way. I knew that it was vital that I pray for my future now, and stop focusing so much on my past problems that I had let create the muddy present mess. I'm currently realizing what all that mud is, and I'm shaking it off my feet. We think it's okay to talk about our past and present problems, trying to deal with it and process through it. It's good to do that, but not OVER and OVER. All that we're doing is dwelling in our junk! We need to brush the past off of our shoulders once and for all, and start stepping out of agreement with our present problems and make them our past problems. Then we can brush those off our shoulders also.

What is important right now is preparing for my future. Praying and sending those prayers forth into my future, going ahead and planting those seeds, it really has power and works! At the time of the dream, I was really focusing on a lot of problems, and had stopped paying attention to the future. Therefore, my horse had to come back because it was sick. Looking at my prayers as something that really does birth something in my future was huge for me! I had never seen it that way before. I'd spent a lot of time praying about the present issues in my life (that's not bad, but the future is important too).

God gives me dreams about friends so I'll know what He wants me to pray for them. The past week, I've had dreams about several of my friends' futures. It really caught me off guard, until I remember the horse in my dream. So I want to encourage all of you to stop dwelling in your past and current problems or mistakes. And stop trying to deal and live with them. How can we start to make changes so that they'll be obsolete? And be constantly praying for your future! Those prayers go out in front of us and prepare the way, then come back and carry us there.

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Sunday, February 14, 2010


"Oh that my words were now written! Oh that they were engraved in a book! Oh that they were cut with an iron pen and lead in the rock forever! For I know that my Redeemer is living, and He shall rise on the earth at the last; and even after they corrupt my skin, yet this: In my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not a stranger's; though my reins be exhausted in my bosom." Job 19:23-27

And Psalm 91. especially verse 1.

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide in the Almighty's shade."

I think it's appropriate to say that it's Monday, time to fight depression! I hate the doom that hovers over Mondays. It's tiresome and old. We need to get over whatever this is and step out on the other side.

God is here with me, on this Monday. God is here, fighting with me, fighting for me. Why can't I always see that? I feel like I'm constantly rediscovering the secret place, because I keep running away from that intimacy with God every time I am vulnerable with Him. Last week, I learned that being completely honest with God is the only way to go. So I told Him everything that was bothering me, including the fact that I was a little mad at Him. I know that God's ways are good and right and perfect but, I am still learning to agree with them.

It took me a few days to come back to Him and have a real talk again. Being so open about my feelings with Him was scary. I always thought that I didn't need to voice my feelings out loud because He already knows what I'm thinking and feeling. But that is not the case. Expressing my feelings, even the wrong ones, brought a new freedom into our relationship. A deeper intimacy that I discovered once I did return. And that is what I meant when I said I'm constantly rediscovering the secret place. I'm so sick of this "return" that I make. When did I ever leave? It's not like I stop believing, but I just stop COMMUNICATING with Jesus. Why am I so ready to hide from the One who understands me and not only accepts me for me, but loves me because I am me! Not in spite of me.

It's the devil. And it's Monday.

Monday! I rename you. You are now My Day. My Day to give to Jesus. Our Day. Our Day to stand tall. Our Day to not only accept the fact that a new week has arrived, but love this new week for what it is. My Week. Our Week.

"Deep calls to deep through the voice of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and Your billows have passed over me." Psalm 42:7

Monday, February 8, 2010

No Puppets

No, I'm not afraid of puppets.

Last night, I had a revelation about how I sometimes view the relationship between God and I. I was with some friends and we started worshiping. Nick was singing a song I had never heard before, and one of the lines was "You hold my heart in Your hand", or something similar.

All of these emotions suddenly came crashing to the surface, and I immediately started crying. God said, "I hold your heart and I am not going to give it away easily. I'm not going to give you to just anybody. You are not my puppet, and I am not a puppeteer. You are not one of my experiments, I have not put you in a test tube. I have made you beautiful for a reason, and I take delight in your beauty."

I had not realized that I had been feeling like a puppet. But God knew, and He set me straight and is healing my heart on the matter. I won't go into what made me start thinking this, but I will say this.

You and God are in a RELATIONSHIP. We are allowed to make choices, we are allowed make mistakes, and He is not going to try to control us at any point in our lives. He is highly aware of how we feel about every single part of our life, and He cherishes those feelings. He is also aware of our desires, and put those desires there Himself! We are fearfully and wonderfully made, every single part.

God is going to sometimes ask us to do things that we don't want to do. But I don't believe that it's going to be things that go against the very core of who we are, who He has made us to be. Because in the end, who are we? We are lights in this world, we are important, we are significant, and God is not going to dumb us down ever. He raises us up. Every time I do something that He asked me to do that I didn't want to do, after I do it, I always feel even closer to myself, to who He has created me to be.

About me being beautiful, well, it's true. ;-) It's true for you too. And there is no shame in that, or pride for that matter. It's a fact, and it didn't happen by accident.

I'm in my room right now, after a busy weekend of being with friends and family. This will always be my favorite place to be, because God brings me such clarity when it's just us, one on one.

When I want to run away,
I drive off in my car.

But whichever way I go,
I come back to the place You are.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Goal

A couple nights ago, I was having a vision. In the middle of it, I was suddenly running onto a soccer field. I thought, "This is random and out of place." I ran across the field and almost left it, when I saw a giant man on the field walking towards me. He was wearing a green soccer uniform.

I turned around to meet him. He had the biggest shoulders I had ever seen, and I was startled by how powerful he was. I asked him who he was and he said, "Mercy. Mercy and forgiveness."

I thought that this meant he was Jesus, but was not sure. He kicked a soccer ball at me, and asked me to play. We moved to the center of the field, and I started trying to kick the ball past him to hit the goal, but that was impossible. He would get low to the ground, bending towards me with his arms and legs spread wide, moving back and forth with incredible speed. A few times, I would finally get the ball past him. Then suddenly, the goal I was aiming for would be switched to the one on the other side of the field, so I would have to turn around and try to get past him again.

I began to get frustrated, and had already asked him why I was playing against him. It felt really wrong, and I thought for sure I should be playing with him instead. But no one else was on the field.

Finally, I decided to kick the ball up in the air, jump as high as I could, and kick the ball over Mercy's head, into the goal I was then aiming towards.

I did this, and he let me do this (I know he could have stopped me). The ball flew into the goal, and I immediately felt defeated and unaccomplished still. I did not feel like a winner.

Mercy watched me and then asked, "What did you just learn?"

I stood there for a long time thinking. I had no idea what the point of this was, and really wanted to get back to what I was doing before I came across this soccer field.

I thought over the game from beginning to end, how Mercy was able to move so quickly to stop me from moving past him and getting to my goal, how my goal would immediately change and therefore be even further away the few times I did get past him.

I then started to wonder WHY the goal kept changing back and forth, and why this happened ONLY when I moved past Mercy. This is when it hit me.


Mercy nodded his head and burst into smiles when I said this, waiting for me to continue.

"You are the goal, my goal! You ARE Jesus! You were not trying to keep me from my goal by moving back and forth. You were moving back and forth to try to make it easier for me to hit you! You wanted me to win! We were not playing against each other after all, it was only my view of how the game is to be played that made me think that."

There was suddenly a soccer ball a few feet in front of me. As I raced to kick it, Mercy smiled and hunkered low to the ground, spreading his arms and legs wide. I knew now that he was welcoming the ball, not blocking it. I kicked it and it flew into his stomach. A loud DING DING DING! rang through the field. This time, I felt like I had won.

God started running this song through my head yesterday. Enjoy!