Friday, January 28, 2011

I can't prove anything.

I wrote this is my journal last Thursday.

"I already feel burned out! But where do I go to get rid of this? How do I receive rest? I run to you. But you are so near. You are not a second hand, you are RIGHT HERE! So why am I not rested? Why do I feel like my soul is crying? I dance, I hear you, I meditate, I learn, I soak, I chill, but I am right now feeling like I am broken. And I know that I am broken, and will remain so, but with you I have strength! With you I am whole! With you I am victorious.

So why do I still sometimes feel like a candle in the wind? I feel everyone is trying to change me.

I feel so far when I'm with them! I will have to soak more. As much as possible. I must seek you with a passion! I must take my chances and look for you everywhere! I know that you are always with me, but still I must make sure to STAY FOCUSED!

Help me not to bury anything. I want to bring every thought to you and your love.

I can't keep myself hidden from you.

I must open to you."

I sat still after this, and Jesus took this opportunity to speak to me VERY clearly. Here is what he said.

"Jenny, you can't prove your love to me. I see your heart and know that you want nothing but me, and that is okay. It is alright to want nothing but me. You have yet to learn the value of doing nothing.

You have been doing everything for so long! You don't have to do everything anymore! Just be with me. You can do nothing. YOU are EVERYTHING to me! Learn the value of doing nothing. Let it go. Let everything go and do nothing. You can't prove your love to me. So don't try. I delight in you."

And I could nothing but weep. And I still weep to this moment as I type this out, because this can NOT be stolen from me! Not by Pharisees! Not by Sadducees! Not by Satan! Not by ANYONE!!!!!!! It is inside me in my core, and I don't care what anyone thinks for the first time. My fear of man is gone and going because I realize that I do not have to prove myself to anyone. Jesus is my judge, and he has judged me to be righteous and holy. He. Sees. My. Heart. And he is faithful to me always.

I am a dwelling place (John 14:23) of the Trinity. I will not be shut down. I will not be blown over. I will stand tall in the knowing of WHO I AM IN CHRIST. They can't stop me. I can't stop me. Performance can't stop me. It's all dust in the wind.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Lemonade Machine

In light of what Jesus was ministering to me about the great cloud of witnesses being a part of us, and after the prodding of my mother, I felt that sharing this vision that I had last year was important.

I either saw this in August or September of 2010.

I'm taken to heaven and a small group of people lead me up a metal staircase. They are dressed in yellow contamination suits. They greet me so warmly and genuinely and know me. They keep saying, "We are so glad that you came and that you are here!" I start thinking and feeling that they are my family and my thoughts are, "Do I know you?" I soon realize though that I feel this way because they are saints, and we really are family.

They are really excited to show me what they are doing, and wave me through a door at the top of the staircase. This leads to a hallway with windows that overlook a very wide and tall room that holds a complex-looking machine.

They gesture me into the room with happy anticipation to share this with me. I ask what the machine is, and they say that it turns lemons into lemonade.

There are scaffolding stairs all throughout the machine, so the "family" leads me through the whole thing, explaining things to me and showing me how things work. I'm barely listening though because I have NO idea what a lemonade machine is doing in heaven.

Jesus then speaks to me. He says, "I turn peoples' lemons into lemonade. Their negative things I turn into positive things, but they must first trust me with their lemons. People are afraid to hand over their negatives to me completely."

He then had me look at the complex and intricate machine again and said, "It is a process to turn lemons into lemonade. People must learn to trust the process."

I felt the vision was partly given me for encouragement but also for intercession, and I began to pray that people would learn to trust Jesus with their lemons.

I'm not sure how many days or weeks later, but in September I was shown heaven again, and I saw the throne room. Jesus was sitting on the right side, and lemons were being tossed at Jesus's feet. The pile is growing steadily taller. I remember the lemonade machine. I look at Jesus and ask why there are so many lemons. He says, "More and more people are trusting me with their lemons. Remember, it's a process, but I will turn them into lemonade."

So be encouraged and hand over your negatives to Jesus! I pray that I do the same in EVERY circumstance.

1 Peter 5:6-7 "Then be humbled under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in time; casting all your anxiety onto Him, because it matter to Him concerning you." (I added the bold to emphasize the process)

Romans 8:28 "But we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to purpose."

Psalm 55:22 "Cast on Jehovah what He has given, and He will keep you; He will not give the righteous to waver, forever."

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say, Rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to all men. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and by petition, with thanksgivings, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Christmas Tree

Hello friends.

I could not sleep at all for I was grieved of spirit. I did not know why I was grieving, but I finally listened to the Holy Spirit and left my bed to go the IHOP prayer room. I sat down and waited for Jesus to give me the understanding of what was happening. I almost immediately had this vision.

I saw a beautiful Christmas tree. It was not decorated, but fresh off the lot. A man full of zeal set the tree on fire and raised it up high. After a few moments, he pulled it back down and started hacking it to pieces with an ax in a very violent and angry manner.

I then saw Jesus standing a little ways behind the man and he was watching this scene. He was crying like I had only seen him cry once before, and I was surprised by his strong reaction. He spoke and said, “Why are they doing that to a tree? That is MY tree. Why are they doing that to my tree?” His voice was so broken.

He then turned to look at me, still crying, and said, “Why are they doing that to my tree? It isn’t about a tree, it’s just a tree. We aren’t fighting a tree! That was my tree.”

The vision ended. I knew that Jesus was referring to Christians who beat on Christmas because it has been set on the date of a pagan holiday, and many of the Christmas symbols are said to be taken from pagan symbols.

I still though did not understand what Jesus was trying to show me, so I asked for understanding. I then heard in my head, over and over, “Spirit of prophecy, spirit of prophecy, spirit of prophecy.” I listened, and told Jesus that I received WHATEVER he was trying to tell me, but I still did not understand.

So I asked for more understanding, and Jesus started reminding me of the great cloud of witnesses, and how they are always watching us and we are therefore even MORE not alone than we know. We not only have the Trinity and angels, but we also have the saints in heaven encouraging us and I believe praying for us. This was all great, but I still did NOT understand how ANY of this was connected. So I went to get some food.

I was talking to Mom on the phone after the food, and told her what I had seen. She immediately also felt that it was about Christians who put down Christmas before I even had to tell her what I thought. I then told her about Jesus repeating, “Spirit of prophecy”, into my spirit. She was quiet for a few moments before she said, “Do you know where that verse is that says “spirit of prophecy”. I didn’t, so she told me. It’s Revelation 19:10. John is having a vision of the saints in heaven in this verse, and one speaks to him. I’ll put down the verse 9 too.

“And he says to me, “Write: Blessed are the ones having been called to the supper of the marriage of the Lamb.” And he says to me, “These words of God are true.” And I fell before his feet to worship him, but he said to me, “Behold! Stop! I am your fellow-slave, and your brothers, having the testimony of Jesus. Worship God. For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”


I am afraid I do not know how to explain this verse fluently, but I believe I do know what it means, especially in terms of the vision I had. The testimony of Jesus has been given to us, the slaves to Jesus, to righteousness. When we worship God, we are testifying of Jesus. And the way in which we testify PROPHESIES of Jesus. That is our testimony. So..

When we, followers of Jesus, put up our Christmas tree, we are putting it up for Jesus. It is ALL done in celebration of his birth, no matter the date of the celebration. We do it with pure hearts for him, and are therefore TESTIFYING of Jesus, and are furthermore PROPHESYING. It is a form of worship, and we are worshipping The True King, and in my vision I saw Jesus claiming this tree as HIS. He is accepting our worship of him, and it grieves him that there are those who wish to tear it down.

Man, these are the times when I feel like my words are SO weak to explain what I am feeling. I just pray your eyes and ears are open to receive.

If you don't celebrate Christmas, for whatever reason, please do not bash Christmas for others. They do it for the King, and he LOVES their worship.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

"I chose this."

When I was in the prayer room last night, I had a WONDERFUL experience and I felt compelled to share!

I had been dancing for a while, when suddenly the heavens opened and the atmosphere shifted so quickly that I felt Jesus had rushed down through the opening to join me. His presence was so full and it filled me up completely. All I could do was sit down and just breathe in this concoction he had decided to spoon out over me.

As I sat there, He began to speak to me three words over and over. "I chose this."

"I chose this. Jenny, I chose this for you. I chose for you to be here, in this moment. I chose this."

I was flooded with the most peace I have ever experienced, just knowing in the very core of my spirit that I was in the right place at the right time.

Then, other times and parts of my life (mostly dark times that I had lived through) started coming to mind, and He pointed out each one and said, "I chose for you to be there. The circumstances may have not always been my will, but I chose for you to be there in those circumstances. You were able to do my will within those times. I had a purpose for you every time, during each circumstance. It was for good that I placed you there. I chose this. I chose this."

I was almost in shock as I sat there and reviewed my life with Jesus. "You have given your life over to me, and because of this, I am able to choose. I chose this. I chose you."

I started thinking about something that I had been worrying about a couple hours earlier, and wondered what I should do with it. Jesus interrupted my thoughts and said, "I carried all of your worries, all of your shame, all of your fear to the cross. I carried it all! You don't need to carry it anymore. It died with me a long time ago and was buried. I carried it for you to the cross.

Just when I thought I could not POSSIBLY experience more peace in this moment, a ton more was poured out in me as I let go of a lot of weight I had not realized I was carrying.

"Don't carry those things anymore, lay it down. I have much different things for you to carry."

I know it sounds weak, but all I could think when I heard that last sentence was, "Whoa."

"I have much different things for you to carry."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the purposes that I am purposing for you", declares Jehovah. "Purposes of peace and not for evil to give you a future and a hope."

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My Secret

I feel like I'm supposed to be real with all of you and admit something.

There is this guy who I've been friends with for a while. He has really encouraged me, cherished me, and been a great brother to me. He has not refused to share in any burdens I bring to him.

Last night it hit me how I REALLY feel about this man. I thought I knew what love was until I started experiencing these feelings. When I thought of him, I couldn't believe what a humble and giving person he is. Even when I tell him of my selfish thoughts, he just seems to be delighted that I am talking to him. The thought of disappointing him crushed me. I found myself on the floor crying because I knew that it was impossible for me to be with him or make him happy, because I can't seem to gain control of myself and better myself enough to be anywhere near as patient and caring as he is. "God!" I cried, "How does he DO that? I don't understand how to be that way!"

I actually shuddered and started crying even more when I even thought of entering his life in a romantic way. I would RUIN his life! I could see myself rejecting him and growing restless, because self-sabotaging our relationship would be the only way I could free myself from the guilt of being with someone so wonderful.

"I am a wretch!" I thought as I climbed into bed, hoping sleep would come. It did, but when I awoke the same thoughts were waiting for me. My passion for this man had seemed to build in my sleep, and I started weeping all over.

My love had grown so much that I now thought, "Surely I could stay with him and not sabotage our relationship." I saw us married and imagined him being angry about something (even though I have never seen him angry, but have heard him talk about being angry) and coming to me to talk about it. I suddenly realized that I would not even be upset if he got angry! I would only be rejoicing and smiling in the fact that he was talking to me about his anger and that he wished to share it with me!

My mind was now completely blown with LOVE (who knew that it could wreck one so), and I just lied in bed, not wishing for these precious moments to pass me by quickly. I had received a fresh revelation; for you see, as it turned out, at the end of all that, this man was Jesus.

I had tried to please him and change, but I was failing miserably. And because of this, it is so hard for me to accept the love he so freely gives. I truly did ruin his life, but he knew when he created me that I was going to ruin him. He just decided to make me anyway, because in his wonderful, lofty mind, I am WORTH IT ALL!

When I realized that if this man was ever mad I wouldn't even be upset, I realized how Jesus feels whenever I finally take an angry or selfish thought to him. He does not rejoice in my pain, but he does REJOICE that I am sharing it with him and talking to him. He just wants to love me, and it's up to me to give him the chance.

I pray that you are all wrecked in the same way and that I keep receiving deeper revelations on LOVE!

Monday, January 10, 2011

The importance of Frost

Last week (I don't remember which day) Jesus told me something that sounded unusual to me. He said, "Jenny, there is a frost that comes after the wilderness. The season of frost is just as important as the season of being in the wilderness with me. It is a time to let me do things within you that you can't always see. Growth takes place and seeds are planted. It is very important to let the frost take place. The church must go through the frost as a whole as well as individually. Others don't always understand the season of frost because it looks like nothing is happening, but I am doing things inside. After the frost, spring comes."

When Jesus said this to me I was surprised. I had never heard of "frost" spoken in spiritual terms. However, I did remember Song of Solomon 2:10-13
"My Beloved answered and said to me, 'Arouse yourself, My love, My beautiful one, and come away. For behold the winter has passed, the rain has passed, it goes to itself. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come; and the voice of the turtle-dove is heard in our land. The fig tree spices her unripe figs, and the vines give a fragrance by the blossom. Arise, My love; come, My beautiful one, and come yourself.'"

I knew that this verse must be connected to what Jesus was telling me, "For behold the winter has passed, the rain has passed, it goes to itself. The flowers appear on the earth", but did not research the matter further.

A day or two later, Mom called to let me know that a blizzard was coming to Georgia! As she told me that it was supposed to snow on and off until Wednesday, I began to feel in my spirit that this freak of nature (it does NOT blizzard in Georgia and rarely snows twice a winter, but it had already snowed at Christmas) was prophetic and linked to what Jesus had shared with me a couple days before. I was moving into my internship housing at the time, so I did not think about it too much.

As Sunday evening approached (the night the blizzard was to come), I began feeling a great urgency to take the weather forecasts seriously and prepare. I joined the apparent frenzy and searched the near empty shelves as Walmart for edibles. I told my new friends that I was going to bring lots of food to the Sunday night service at IHOP, because I really did believe we could get snowed in before we had time to leave. No one seemed to believe that it was going to snow though, and those who did were not convinced that it was going to be a blizzard or last several days. Everyone was joking about Georgia weather forecasters freaking out about snow and exaggerating, ect. Because I felt Jesus pressing me to take it all very seriously, I left IHOP as soon as I was able and still managed to be driving in the blizzard. I only made it home by the grace of God, because I could barely see where the road was and slid into my neighborhood.

Once inside, showered and dry, I felt convicted that I had not yet researched the word God has shared with me and blogged about it. So when I awoke today, I searched through the Bible looking for the confirmation to what I heard. And...I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isaiah 55:6-13
"Seek Jehovah while He may be found; call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the vain man his thoughts; and let him return to Jehovah, and He will have mercy on him -- and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. 'For My thoughts are not your thoughts; nor are your ways My ways,' says Jehovah. 'For as the heavens are high from the earth, so My ways are high from the earth, so My ways are high from your ways, and My thoughts from your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow goes down from the heavens and does not return there, but waters the earth and makes it bring forth and bud, and give seed to the sower and bread to the eater -- so shall My word be which goes out of My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in what I sent it to do! For you shall go out with joy and be led out with peace. The mountains and the hills shall break out into song before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap the palm. Instead of the thorn-bush, the fir-tree shall come up; instead of the brier, the myrtle shall come up; and it shall be for a name to Jehovah, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.'"

"For as the rain and the snow goes down from the heavens and does not return there, but waters the earth and makes it bring forth and bud, and give seed to the sower and bread to the eater -- so shall My word be which goes out of My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in what I sent it to do!"

...God's words go into us during the season of frost and make things grow! It brings forth new life! It plants seeds within our spirits! We do not realize what is going on when we allow ourselves to just be still before Him until we are thawed out. When we allow this season to come and rest in it, the things He will do within us will "PROSPER"!

And then we shall "go out with joy and be led out with peace"!

Spring will come! "Instead of the thorn-bush, the fir-tree shall come up; instead of the brier, the myrtle shall come up; and it shall be for a name to Jehovah, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off."

We will be like fir-trees and myrtles! Both are very strong and sturdy trees who have long lives.

Because we allowed this season to take place in our lives, we will NOT BE CUT OFF! We will be an everlasting sign! He has brought so much fruit into our lives during this "frost".

And all we have to do is be still. Look outside at the snow (if it is a winter wonderland where you are at right now) and notice how everything wants to come to a standstill when it is like this. Let God purify you! Let Him make His ways our ways! His thoughts our thoughts!

(a couple other verses that I felt were relevant)

Psalm 51:6-7 "Behold,You desire truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden parts You teach me wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

Isaiah 30:15 "For so says the Lord Jehovah, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; and in quietness and hope shall be your strength. But you were not willing.'"

I could go on and on here, but I already feel like I am about to ramble. I am just so excited to share this word! The fact that a blizzard took place just a few days after Jesus told me about the season of Frost is such a confirmation to my spirit, and this word has greatly encouraged me to just let the snow keep me inside and still before the Lord. Please consider this word and search your hearts for wisdom from the Lord.

I love you all!

Thursday, January 6, 2011


Here I am! I am packing once more. Last time it was summer and now it is winter! Surrounded by clothes and...more clothes, I am trying to decide what I should take with me. I want to be comfortable, but I don't want to stop caring and wear sweats everyday. That would just be depressing. So I'm making it fun and looking at my wardrobe with a different eye!

It really isn't fun to pack. Since I can't have candles in my future room (fire hazard) I have had one lit all afternoon. Since I can't watch movies either, and need the extra inspiration to pack, I have watched Julie and Julia while going through my clothes and folding. And's time to really focus on getting my stuff out of here.

This is just another step into God's beautiful kingdom! I'm not really going to IHOP...I'm just moving with the Lamb. That is how I'm supposed to look at it. No matter where I am or who I'm with I am always home. My home is Jesus. There are no bounds on me!

Except for my 6:30 am curfew. :p

"Some kind of magic happens late at night; when the moon smiles down on me and bathes me in its light."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I leave for my internship on Saturday! I was dancing around my room when I was told this. I've got my positive cap on my head! I've got the blood of Jesus covering my body! I've got the music in meee!!!!

I really am excited. God has shown me that I have a firm foundation, and that he has had me focused on living in that foundation my entire life. I am ready to begin a new thang with him! This journey has just begun. I have no idea what he has in store for me during this next season, but I am ready to break through whatever it is, swinging. It is time to overcome and to be joyous in one's actions with the King! I resent nothing that he has told me or shown me during this past year. I know that because of everything that I learned, even though I sometimes learned a hard way, I can now go on wiser and stronger than before. I am righteous! I am holy! I am his bride!

I am called forward to explore new seasons, new heights, new glory, new realms! And right now I am in the realm of gratitude! God has washed me clean and created me to be such a beautiful being! I am full of light! I am full of glory! I. Am. FULL!

I watched the sun go down tonight (well, the best I could. I really just watched the colors change in the sky because a house was in the way). Immediately I realized that my life REALLY IS right where it is supposed to be. I am truly in the center of God's will. I have become fully aligned! I partake no more in foolishness.

(There really is something healing about being aware of the sun. Maybe because we are both lights to the world! And now I will be a light in the darkness, literally! My internship requires me to be up all night.)

Well, it's getting late and I need to get some rest. No more lying awake and breaching what I am due when I should be sleeping. Maybe I'll get to see the sunrise. :-)

"and it seems to me you live your life like a candle in the wind"

I'm about to start a new chapter in my life in a few days. God has asked me to be a watchman on the wall at night. I'm starting a night internship at IHOP in less than a week. It's exciting and frightening, but I'm just happy that Jesus is with me. If I've learned anything in 2010 it's that his heart is my home.

I've been a candle blowing in the wind for the past few months. I feel like I've lost myself in a lot of ways. I know that this is partly because I was disobedient about my sleep schedule and I would lie awake nights wasting time. Some of you will remember that back in July God asked me to stop sabotaging my sleep schedule because it messes with my mood and my time with him. I blew it off until a couple weeks ago when I began to understand the weight of my actions. Although tonight I suddenly find myself awake, but I have got to process this through.

I also refer to myself as a candle because I suddenly found myself becoming religious, striving, and judging others. So much happened in 2010, and I was so busy, that I did not slow down enough to assess myself. I just absorbed most everything that happened and never processed anything with God. Last week I suddenly found that I did not know who I was anymore. I had let the events of the past year control me instead of stepping back to take a good look at what was going on inside of me.

There were people with good intentions who did nothing but mess with my head. There were others with not so pure intentions who also messed with my head. "They crawled out of the woodwork and they whispered into my brain. They put me on a treadmill and they made me change my name." God even warned me REPEATEDLY that I just can not trust certain people, but I hate to think the worst of people. I've learned though that it isn't a sin to recognize someone's selfish motives.

Luckily I have a few more days to just be with God and not worry or over-analyze. I feel and know that God is restoring me and my vision, and that I need to give myself a break. I forgive myself. My foundation is still intact and I still have the joy!

Tomorrow I'll write a more positive blog. It's time to pause and reflect. Positive things have happened, and the negative things only illuminate the positive.