Thursday, December 24, 2009



So I would say that I should be folding, but I won't. Why? Because this is MY laundry day, so it will go as I say (goodness gracious, so much rhyming).

I am very happy! I've been happy straight up for 3 days! I have not slept in for 3 days, and I believe that is why. My days are SOOO much longer. It's crazy, I don't know what to do with myself, so I have laundry days, and go shopping (I don't shop, unless it's for someone else. and it was. I'm a gift person [when I can afford it]. makes sense huh?).

I've been enjoying packing. Well, I am NOW enjoying packing. I got past the hard "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!" part. And I got past the "WHERE DID I GET ALL OF THIS CRAZY STUFF AND WHY DO I STILL HAVE IT?!?" part. I filled up so many trashbags with stuff that have just been rotting in corners of my room since I moved here. Being a packrat runs in my family on both sides, and I have come to despise and avoid the tendencies to be one. At least, I thought I was. Then I cleaned out my desk and found schoolwork from 9th grade. Who saves schoolwork? GAH!

So I hate packratting, and saving things because "One day you may use it or wear it."

I'm currently working on packing clothes, which is why today is laundry day. I packrat clothes, I admit it. I gave away one of my beloved Napoleon Dynamite tshirts to a friend because I haven't worn it in a year, and I almost attacked her when she was admiring it.

But I didn't. Progress.

I got my haircut and it is wild and crazy! I love it. peace.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

A Whole New Freedom

I was thinking to myself, "Maybe I should blog about the new happenings in my life." And The Holy Spirit immediately got all excited and was like "YEAH! Do it!"

So here I am! Little ol' me. I've been packing my room up since God told me to a month ago. It wasn't so bad at first, but then God had me apologize to a couple people for something I did 12-13 years ago that I had not spoken of EVER. It was definitely a dying to flesh experience, and was REALLY liberating. It turned out that something that I had made out to be a really big deal in head really wasn't that big. One of the biggest changes that I've noticed since they've forgiven me is that I am not angry, or at least as angry. My friend, Sarah, said that it's probably because I'm not mad at myself anymore. This is true, since I had a lot of self-hatred for 12-13 years. But now, NOTHING can hold me back! I'VE GOT THE POWER! because of...Jesus. ;-)

During the week that it took me to work up the nerve, then finally make my apologies, I left my room to rot. My bed was covered with stuff, and I slept on a sofa outside my room. I just could not deal with it.

Then, yesterday I went to my work's Christmas Party (Breakthrough to Destiny Ministries). I wasn't concentrating too much on fellowship, since I was helping organize the party. Then one of my friends asked me what was new, and I ended up telling her about how God has asked me to pack, ect. My other friend, Marion, ended up joining the conversation, and it was SUCH a divine appointment! She had been through the same thing, except it was moving from Germany to London! She said that as soon as she finished packing, she got a call from a friend who had a place for her to stay, even though this friend had no idea that Marion had been packing.

So Marion prayed and encouraged me, and after finals are over on Tuesday, I'll tackle my room again. I did clean off my bed last night though, when Sarah spent the night. So I can stretch out now! :D

Another happening that encouraged me. As I mentioned in previous blogs, I've been spending a lot of alone time with God lately. I've been reaching for a deeper intimacy and really craving His company. I've been emotionally exhausted since He told me I'll be moving out soon, and that is another reason I've been needing Him so desperately (which He loves!).

I've been really focusing on sensing angels again too. God opened up being able to feel angels' presence at Jesus Culture, but I ended up letting it go for a while. Fear had a lot to do with it. I didn't trust my discernment, and didn't want my focus to shift from Jesus to angels. But God has assured me that this is just a gift that He longs to give His children, so He heightened my senses again this past week.

Sarah and I had wondered if God was going to have us move in together, since He has us both in a time of packing right now. But Friday night, He gave me a firm no. I told her Saturday, at the Christmas party. She had been feeling the same thing, and even though we appreciated the clarity, we were pretty bummed out.

So I invited her to come home with me and we could worship, pray, and fellowship together. When we first entered my room, she commented on feeling such a peace and presence of God in my room. As we began soaking, I became overwhelmed by the presence of angels in the room! There was a wind that was swirling all around me. It. Was. Awesome.

In the wee hours of the morning, Sarah started telling me about how my room was really such a portal to the Kingdom of Heaven. I was really excited that she said that, because even though I know that I can enter into the presence of God easily in the basement, I wasn't aware of how strong it was, since I didn't have anywhere else to compare it to.

I told her that it was interesting, because one of the things I feel God has shown me is how strong God's presence is going to be wherever I move, because it will be mine. I had shared this with her before.

Sarah said that she had actually been thinking whenever I told her before, about IHOP. She told me how when IHOP was meeting in a building that wasn't theirs, the presence was strong. But when they got their own building, it increase SO much! I'm looking forward to it :0)

Friday, December 4, 2009


I'm teaching a dance class in January, and I want to be ready for that. So I'm getting back in shape! So far, I've done strength training, ballet, and even a Richard Simmons cardio workout (I love him! don't care what anyone says. He says that I'm his shining star). Today however, I ran with one of my friends. I'm glad she was there, because I probably would've called it quits after a quarter mile. I ran for a few months last year, and didn't really enjoy it then. I still don't find it pleasant, but need the endurance.

As I was, I was trying to figure out why I did not enjoy this sport. I realized that it's because it's a pretty mindless activity. You don't have to think much about jogging, you just do it. This leaves my mind open to thinking about numerous other things. I'm not used to this. In dance class, you're always thinking about the current movement, as well as the next one. Your mind is completely focused on completing the task at hand, and there is no room for thinking about other things in your life. When you enter the studio, you leave everything outside the door and don't pick it back up until class or rehearsal is over.

When I run, I start to think about all sorts of things. For some reason, I don't like this. Maybe it's because I'm used to being focused on WHY I'm breathing so hard, and I find the thinking annoying. The things that start to pop into my head are problems, things I need to deal with, and a LOT of negative feelings. I'm not sure why I think so negatively when I run. Come to think of it, I've actually had some very spiritual experience in my past runs from last year. I remember once I almost had a complete meltdown because of all of this pressure from something I was going through at the time came rising up to the surface. Why is that?

During that particular experience, I started running faster, hoping that would help. I was literally trying to run these problems off of my back, or at least leave them behind for a little while.

There is something about running that brings all of the negativity in my life that I am dealing with, or need to deal with, to the surface. Again, why is that?

I've actually made myself curious enough to go run again soon. Maybe it's a healing element that the sport brings. Maybe it's the fact that when you run, it's just you and the road. No fancy moves with french names, no worrying about whether you're going to nail the next combination or not, just you.

Man, I didn't mean to get all deep. I had no idea this blog was going to take that turn lol. Anyway, does anyone else experience these feelings when they run?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Bliggity Blog

I blog because talking about myself, my life, for a long period of time, makes me uncomfortable. I feel that I take up too much space in the conversation, and will only seriously talk about what is going on with me to 2 or 3 people, and only 1 on a regular basis (to me, a regular basis is once or twice a week). Compliments and people talking about me makes me uncomfortable, which is ironic, since it is my top love language, so it also makes me feel loved. The fact that my best friend really listens to me and gives me WONDERFUL, equal feedback during conversations is new to me, since I used to be codependent, and was used to giving to my old friends and not taking, which I guess didn't make them very good friends.

At the same time though, it isn't my current friends' fault that they don't know me on a deep, personal level. I only put so much of myself out there, and I'm okay with that. I'm just very...diverse. I also genuinely enjoy listening to other people's lives and digging their passions and desires out way more than I like sharing mine.

I'm okay with this, because God is the only one who fully understands me. It's normal, expected. I've had quite the life, and shouldn't be as whole and full of joy as I am. I have God to thank for that.

I need lots of alone time. I tend to disappear for longs periods of time, time which I spend with Jesus. It appears odd to some people, I know. But if I spend too much time around people, I start to feel God drawing me away. It's happening way more lately. I know this is because I'm called to intercede, and to do that I have to be replenished by the Holy Spirit daily. The cry of my heart to God's heart lately has been "ISOLATE ME!" It honestly hurts sometimes to be around people for long periods of time, because I am so different. It's not something I regret, or something I wish to change. I don't mind, I just want to get away when this happens and soak with Jesus.

I'm blogging about this because even though people don't get it, it is still who I am.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Know His Voice

I have no desire to sleep! I'm so tired, but there is so much to do!

Jesus has been wooing me so close! I've been just wanting to isolate myself so that way I can just spend one on one time with Him. It has been so precious. I'm very happy to have these times with Him.

Last Sunday I went to a church service for young adults with some friends. When I go to church, God tends to lead down rabbit trails and teach me things that don't usually have to do with the message of whoever is speaking. I was really trying to concentrate on this man's teaching though, so when he said to turn to Acts 9, I did. Turned out though, He has said Acts 1 something or other, but it was too late! God had sucked me in again, and I was reading the story of how Saul became Paul. I wasn't sure what God was trying to tell me, so the next time the speaker said to turn to another scripture, I did. But once again, I heard him wrong. Or...God was wanting me to hear him wrong lol. I had turned to Luke 7:37 and read through 47. Once I'd finished, God immediately gave me the download. This scripture is about Mary washing Jesus's feet with her tears. I marveled at how Mary did not hesitate to show Jesus how much she loved him, no matter what others thought of her. She was a known sinner. As soon as Paul encountered the Lord, he began proclaiming his love for Jesus. There was no hesitation or shame in their actions. It was like they saw no other way to behave.

In Luke 7:44-47, Jesus says, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give water for My feet, but she washed My feet with tears, and wiped off with the hairs of her head. You gave Me no kiss, but she from when I entered did not stop fervently kissing My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with ointment. For this reason I say to you, her many sins are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, he loves little."

I immediately knew what God was trying to tell me. Saul/Paul and Mary has sinned greatly, so when they were forgiven, they understood better what He had done for them. They were willing to do ANYTHING to show their love to Him. They did not see what they did to be a hard thing to do. It was not hard for them. They probably didn't think for a second, "God is causing me to look weird and to do strange things. People aren't going to like me, and I'm going to be looked down on because of this."

I want to love God like THAT! I want to love Him like I have done the worst things ever, but He forgave me and loves me freely! I don't want to hesitate anymore! I don't want to see things as hard to do! I want to LOVE to do those things! I want to see doing those things as my only choice! Ofcourse I have no choice but to do these things for God, because He is asking me to. And these things are SO SO little compared to what He has and is doing for me! It is THE LEAST I can do!

Right now, He is asking me to spend time alone with Him instead of going to church. As I was praying for the grace to do this, I heard my spirit crying out "ISOLATE ME! ISOLATE ME!" over and over and over again. And I realized that being alone with Him is what I desire right now! Him asking me to do this is actually His response to my spirit's cry. He is the only one who understands me fully. And lately, I can feel others not understanding me, and therefore judging me. I don't like it, and the one thing I want to do is just run into His arms and never leave.

He asking me to take more risks in life, which will teach me to lean more and more on Him, which causes deeper intimacy. The purpose of my whole life is all about intimacy with Jesus, and that intimacy being able to grow more and more. I'm SO looking forward to this!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Stacks and Stacks

So I have these stacks and stacks of journals. At least, that is what it felt like last night when I was sifting through them. They're my letters to God, recordings of dreams, doodles...

I was looking for a certain dream. But I ended up finding my journal from last year. I wrote through the whole thing in just a few months. I didn't even recognize the cover when I picked it up, so I opened it. I found extremely detailed descriptions of my life then. I read dreams that I had forgotten, lived through days that seemed to impact me a big way when I wrote them, I was pouring my heart out. I shared EVERY SINGLE THING, EVERY SINGLE PART of my life with God then. Even things that I am ashamed to look back on because they seem SO incredibly stupid. But I still shared them. I still opened up and let God into every single part, search me out and fix everything broken or wounded.

I looked through other journals. Some pretty thick ones I completed in less than 4 months. My current one...I've had it since last year. I think this is the longest I have ever taken in completing a journal.

Why do I feel like I'm constantly turning God away? Well, probably because I'm certainly not welcoming Him towards me.

Those stacks and stacks of journals, they reminded me of a time when God was my bestfriend. He was the one I turned to constantly. And I am sensing myself wanting to turn to others before I turn to Him more and more these days. Especially this past week. And that scares me more than ANYTHING. It's what happens in some of my dreams, I lose Him. I refuse to ever do that.

So, God, I want that back. I miss us, I want us, and I NEED us. Because what I saw in every single journal entry was clarity. I started off confused and not sure, but by the end of an entry, You had spoken and cleared up everything for me.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Let's be secure!

Let's know who we are! Who God has made us to be!

Let's know that God really wants us to need Him, to ask Him for help, to let Him be with us always.

Let's be happy! Let's shine bright! Let's know now the pleasure of just being here. in the moment.

Let's know that this moment, this place, is where God longs for us to be! It's where He has placed us for a purpose! and that purpose is to LOVE HIM! to hang with Him! chillaxin.

If we, if I, remember this, if I am able to hold fast to the Hope, then I will surely never lose sight of Him.

And when things get tough, which they have, which they will, I will see Him here with me. And that will be my assurance, my joy, and my laughter. My strength is to abide in Him, and Him in me.

Because I realized in the wee hours of the morning why I have felt a bit distant from God. I have been trying not to need Him "too much". Trying to to lean on Him "too much". Not to need His constant assurance, His loving arms for comfort, His shoulder to cry on, His ears to pour my soul into, His mouth to whisper endearments.

His words to warm my heart, His kisses to seal our love, His light to brighten my life.

So when I finally told Him what was troubling me, and admitted that I needed help, that I needed help, because I really can not do anything about it, I was suddenly embraced and comforted beyond words. I was suddenly laughing and filled with relief! I was suddenly told I was understood, and that everything is always okay, because He holds me so tight, with such a fierce protection.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Multiple Baskets

I actually made a video, for the first time in forever. I balked at making it for a few months, but God finally got through to me lol. here is the link

Also, I feel like this is also related to the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25. That I need to use what God has given me and quit letting it lay dormant.

Something neat that happened: I prayed for this guy who works at Kroger a few months ago, because he came in one day when he wasn't working, and I was there shopping. He was using crutches, and I felt a pain in one of my legs. I thought maybe this was a word of knowledge. Well, I approached him, and his OTHER leg was actually the one hurt. He had survived a motorcycle accident, his motorcycle was actually in half. His knee was really messed up. I ended up praying for him anyway, and had a word that he had a lot of destiny. He shared that he felt this accident was a wake-up call from God, and that the time spent waiting for his knee to heal he could concentrate more on the "destiny". He had already known that he had a certain destiny, and my word seemed to be conformation.

Still, the whole time he acted really shifty, nervous, and uncomfortable, even though he seemed fine with me praying for him.

I didn't see him for a long time. But today I went to Kroger and saw him working one of the cash registers. I honestly did NOT want to talk to him, because I thought it would be weird, since he had acted kinda weird before.

When it was time for me to check-out, I saw two cash registers open. His was empty, and the other had someone with a buggy in it. Another lady reached the cash registers first, and instead of going to the empty one, she went to the one that was already busy! Unusual.

So I had no choice it seemed, and proceeded to the register. He greeted me with a big smile and I thought that maybe he didn't remember me. We asked eachother how the other was, the usual pleasantries, and after he said, "good" he added "better" with a bit of emphasis. So I knew he remembered me. We talked a bit about his recovery, and the whole experience was really great and validating! He was really genuine and glad to see me! I'll get to see him often because I like to go to Kroger, because my family gobbles everything up before I can unload it out of the car.

So yay! Yet another Kroger friend lol.

Current song on repeat.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Alright, so, I was having a really hard time since Saturday...well...really Friday I suppose. And it's because I'm starting to feel like I felt before God took me away from the youthgroup I as at last year. I'm starting feel unsatisfied and hungry for MORE again! But at the same time, I'm emotionally tired and am feeling the need to soak more and more. God warned me a few weeks ago that I was going to start feeling this way again, but I never seem to be able to prepare myself enough lol.

When it happened last year, I didn't know what was happening. I could identify the feelings, but I didn't know why I was experiencing them. It was like the grace to be at that youthgroup was just GONE. God then told me to leave immediately, so I did. He showed me that I was substituting my personal time with Him with the worship at the youthgroup. This didn't replenish me because I was doing so much ministry at the time with the youth.

So I went away with God and rested.

I'm starting to have similar feelings, but they aren't the same. I'm not draining myself with ministry like's hard to explain. I just KNOW that I'm supposed to rest right now. God has told me and confirmed it in multiple ways. At the same time though, I was really confused, because felt like I was supposed to be DOING something. I know that my relationship with God is not based on works, but I was still feeling pretty useless.

Well, yesterday I was driving to Starbucks, so I was on the road for a while. I realized that I had forgotten to charge my sansa, so I popped in one of my tapes of Mom preaching.

All during the tape, I was talking to God to explain exactly why I was having these feelings and going through this again. I know that I'm a forerunner, and I'm fine with that. But I still didn't understand why I felt like I'm just supposed to soak right now. He was staying pretty silent.

Near the end of the tape, Mom started reading some of John 15. WHAM!

I got the download.

"I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser. Every branch in Me not bearing fruit, He takes away, and each one bearing fruit, He prunes so that it may bear more fruit." John 15:1-2

Oh my word, "He prunes"!

God said, "YEEESSS! I'm pruning you. It's okay if you're not doing a lot right now. Just spending time with Me is what you're supposed to be doing. I'll send you out later. Just wait for my cue."

It's the "coffee time" thing again. I was bearing fruit, and now He's pruning me so that way I can bear even MORE fruit. I just need to sit back and let Him snip and snap away (that is such a strange picture lol).

Monday, October 12, 2009


So I really want a tattoo...who wants to hold my hand when I get one?

My body is NOT adjusting to me wanting to go to bed early. I'm exhausted, so I got to bed. But I just toss and turn in bed for a couple hours, get up and read or youtube a litte, then go back to bed only to toss and turn again for another hour.

Hopefully, tonight will be a different story.

Hung out with Dad in the den tonight talking about the races he just ran. He makes me LAUGH! It was nice, because I'm kinda bummed that Jon and Isaac spend SO much time on the Xbox and we don't hang as much. I didn't realize how upset I was about it until I yelled at both of them today for no apparent reason. Go me! that really makes them want to get off that white box huh? I should probably talk to them about it...I tend to be passive aggressive instead of assertive. I know this. I should do something about that pray.

I'm tired. maybe I'll go sleep :-)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Where My Faith Is


So, the past couple weeks, I've really felt like I'm supposed to come to grasps with why I follow Jesus. Why I love Him. It's because He saved my life and I'd be lost without Him. Plain and simple. Even if I didn't get relief in His presence, and even if I was persecuted all the time and it looked like He has forsaken me, I still want to follow Him. I don't love Him because of those things (they are MORE than wonderful and I'm so grateful, but I'm talking about the ROOT of my faith and trust in Jesus). And plus, those things are bound to happen, and have happened to me. I wouldn't be where I am today if I had stopped trusting Him during the dark times. I actually did stop trusting Him for a little while...but that is another story. It only led to depression though, and feeling like I was all alone even when Jesus longed to comfort me.

I started reading Job last week, and I am SO impressed with how he held to his faith! He was absolutely unshaken. A righteous man, who loves and believes in God fiercely, is struck and hit in every possible way, from every possible angle. Everything Job has is taken away, and he is near death because of a nasty sickness he now has. He does cry out for God to have mercy and go ahead and kill him, but he doesn't commit suicide, or even BLAME God. He keeps saying, "Who am I to question the ways of God?" He sees that God has every right to do whatever He wants to do with Job, even if it is torture him (although we know that God only ALLOWED these things to happen, He never caused them). It is a humbling read.

And his wife tells him to curse God so that way God will strike him down, and Job can stop living a gross existence. His friends tell him that God would only let these things happen to Job if he did something wrong, so Job must have sinned. But Job corrects them and says that God does things "past finding out." They seem to think he is crazy (I just finished chapter 9, and my memory is fuzzy from sunday school as to what happens next). And like Job's friends, people, even close friends, have thought and are bound to think in the future that I am crazy to do the things God has me do.

Alright, so this is when I may start sounding weird.

I was just now in bed, trying to go to sleep (I have to work at it LOL). I was once again running in my head why I love God, where I'm putting my faith, when I suddenly had this STRANGE thought. What IF Jesus didn't win in the end. Not saying that Revelation is wrong, but what if it was written differently. What if the Bible said that we didn't get the victory, where would I be putting my faith right now? Would I stick by God's side anyway, and fall with Him? I'm not exactly sure what I mean by "fall"...

I guess it would be like marrying someone who lost their job and had no means to support me. Someone who no one else liked and saw as a complete loser. Yet I stayed married to him and loved him, because what he DID offer me was perfect love and understanding.

Not saying that would really happen with Jesus. VICTORY IS OURS! WOOT! It's just something to think about. Kind of puts things into perspective, why we love God. I mean, it's not even just because He saved us. It's also because God is GOOD! ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! He is perfect and wise in every single way.

Alright, I'm done here. Going to once again try to woo in the sandman.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Coffee Time

So I got a download today.

Trying to pinpoint the reason behind my current frustration, I thought of Jesus Culture and the short time after that. I remembered how my very existence, the reason I got up everyday, was to see what Jesus was going to do next! I wanted to spend as much time with Jesus as possible and I was awakened during that time.

I realized that the reason I feel so unfocused and scattered lately is because I lost my focus. Not that I wasn't spending time with Jesus, but just that I somehow started seperating that from all of the other things in my life. I stopped looking for Jesus in everything.

I banished Jesus to one spot of my life and therefore the chaos swept in and took my sanity away. And the reason I banished Jesus to my quiet times was because I felt SO guilty all of the sudden because I felt I wasn't spending enough time with Him, or when I was, I wasn't doing it "right". Which is a lie from the enemy, because I wear the breastplate of righteousness.

Jesus told me a month ago that life with Him is always coffee time. I laugh at this, because it's something that Mom does. She makes coffee, grabs her favorite chocolate bar, and watches FOX News or simply sits.

Anyway, so Jesus held out a cup of coffee for me, and I saw that He also had one. I asked Him what "coffee time" meant exactly. He said that it's when I sit back with Him, sip my coffee and enjoy each other's company. Then, when it's time, He'll let me know what to do, and we'll do whatever it is together.

Not to say that life with Jesus is a bed of roses, "the realm of God is dangerous". But what coffee time represents to me is NOT WORRYING. Not worrying about what I'm supposed to do next, that what I'm doing now is right.

And Jesus has ALWAYS kept me up-to-date on what is next, and when I do make a mistake somewhere, He points it out. And then I can let Him fix it and we move on.

I still have a lot of things to do lately, but I don't need to let it all overwhelm me. When I let my very existence be JESUS, I see what truly matters. Also, Rome wasn't built in a day, and I'm not supposed to have it all figured out either. If I did, life wouldn't be a wonderful learning experience, the Holy Spirit being my teacher.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

not enough fruit

I have been trying to organize my life lately. Organize my room (which is harder than it sounds, since one must first clean before one can organize), organize my schoolwork, organize my spiritual life, organize time with friends (which just means actually making time for them), organize my own time, organize, organize, organize.

My friend, Jessica, gave me a little personal organizer, which has been helping me keep track of homework, classwork, ect. But I am discovering something as I straighten out my life. The more I organize, the more I find parts of my life are disorganized or ignored. The more I try to pay more attention to one part of my life, the more other parts get neglected.

Tonight, I was picturing different parts of my life like a tree. Each branch of my life (Jesus, friends, family, school, church, ect) should produce fruit. But I am seeing some branches get sorely neglected, and they aren't producing fruit at all. I wish I could cut off a couple branches so that way there would be more time to dedicate to other parts, so that way more fruit could grow...

But I can't do that, so I guess I'll just try harder, and hopefully things will start to fall into place. Then, I'll actually begin to see some fruit from my labors.

Jesus has given me two dreams over the past couple weeks in which He has given me a glimpse into the next season of my life. It has to do with soaking, resting and leaving certain branches of my life to dedicate more time to that. And as I'm writing this, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe what I've been feeling lately, tired and stretched a little thin, has to do with this next season. I definitely don't soak enough. I know this, and I've been trying to do that more, because that is how we're supposed to replenish. It's the only way to not run dry. And I WANT to soak/spend time with Jesus. I want to overflow and not feel run down and go through periods of just being emotionally exhausted.

Looking at my life more closely and getting my priorities straight is definitely in order.

and I also have to remember not to keep trying to do it on my own, because the only way I can keep going on is by doing it with Jesus.