Sunday, June 5, 2011

There is a future.

I have a future. It's there, I can't see it, but it is there.

Two or three years ago, I woke up in bed and there was a face right in front on my eyes. It was a man, about 30, with dirty blond hair. His face was leathered, and completely covered with scars. Despite his appearance, I still found him to be a lovely man.

He was looking directly into my eyes and singing tenderly, "I know the plans I have for you, I do, I do. I know the plans I have for you, I do, I do."

I don't know how much time went by, but it seemed to be over in a matter of seconds. Then the face just wasn't there anymore, and I sat up and looked at the clock. It was about 7:30. No surprise there. Jesus likes me up even earlier.

I knew it was Jesus.

I am pulling out this memory, and I am clutching it hard right now. This is what I need to remember. This is the truth. All of my dreams lately have been about my past or present, and how I am always reluctant to leave it to embrace my future. I am always unsure if I have a future. Once, my future showed up, and my present physically held me down to keep me where I was.

I have to move forward. Everything is telling me to, but I remained so scared to do anything that would put me there. I'm unsure why, but I've got a problem with it, whatever it is. I need to stop looking backwards all the time. I need to heal from this old wounds that keep seeping into my present. It happens all the time, and I can't handle it anymore! I can't cope with a constant rebuttal from my mistakes, trying to keep me from standing strong in who I am.

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