Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Setting me free.

I learn the same lesson over and over again it seems. Loving Jesus is the most important thing. I was wondering if I should be concerned with having to review this with God repeatedly, when I realized that at least I'm not focusing on something less significant. There are worse things to be taught without relent. And now I find myself not worried about the lesson or how long it will take to learn. The problem would be if I left it behind for something else.

It is never a boring subject. The lesson changes every time, revealing more depth, height, length, and width. It's not even a lesson really, but more like a college major.

Yes. I plan to stay in class after hours.

Something God has been revealing to me over the past couple weeks is similar to the quote from the movie, The Matrix. "There is no spoon."

I went into a vision in which I was in a blue room. The blue was the sleepy, dreary nursery blue. There was an old-fashion white bath in which Jesus placed me. He washed me off and as he did, he said to me what I then repeated in the previous blog, "You think I'm asking you to give up something. You believe doing what I'm asking will ruin life as you know it. You are right. I am wanting you to begin the next phase of the ultimate adventure. You think I'm locking you up by wanting you to do these things. I am setting you free."

Then he walked away from the bath, picked up a giant ax, and with a violent passion he started chopping away at the floor.

I was taken aback as I watched him do this. What could Jesus have against the floor? So I asked, "Jesus, what are you doing?" He paused briefly to turn and look me in the eye as he said almost mischievously, "You don't need a floor."

I knew right away that Jesus was referring to the boundaries that I have come to be accustomed with living. They aren't even bad boundaries, but I apparently don't need them.

When Jesus was done abolishing the floor I came out of the vision. However, I was back the next day.

I was worshiping when Jesus said, "There is no floor." I was then back in the tub and he began on the walls. When those were no more, I was pulled from the tub. He said, "I have washed you, Jenny. You don't need to be cleaned anymore. Stop picturing yourself as dirty. You are clean."

I looked up at the ceiling, wondering at it still being there. Knowing my thoughts Jesus said, "That is for you to tear down yourself."

I still can't grasp what all of this means. Jesus wants to be my only support. He wants me to stop trying to control what kind of support I have, because he is enough. The question is though...what happens when Jesus takes away all the boundaries and the rules and makes himself the ONLY boundary and rule?

...that's right. He sets me free.

So my fist is unclenched. I'm relinquishing the control. I'm forgetting the rules of the world and the church. He has cleaned my slate and is introducing me to his way of doing things. No bounds and no rules except for HIM. Jesus, be my only rule. Be my only dream. Be my way. Take away my life. I don't want to live it anymore. Tear it down once more.

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