Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Learning how to love/fight

I'm learning how to love.

I'm not loving through the old comfort of my selfish motives.

This has caused me to see what respecting someone really is.

No longer wanting to please others with my actions, I find humbleness.

You won't remain the same when you let the wind of the Holy Spirit blow away the prideful crust that tends to layer around our spirits. While this is happening I realize how scared I am, but I am so desperate for change. I hate the cycling I've been caught up in for so many years.

I have been so wrapped up in selfish motives that I don't believe I have even GLIMPSED humbleness until this last month. I know I'm already dead in Christ and risen in Christ (Romans 6:8-11), but I need to make sure that I don't fall into comfortable habits of not living that way.

It's COMFORTABLE to care what others think about you and to base your actions on these feelings. It's COMFORTABLE to live everyday doing things to try to get others to love you. It's COMFORTABLE to have these selfish motives.

It's NOT comfortable (at least, not to me...yet [AMEN!]) to not care what others think and base your actions solely on your relationship with Jesus and loving him and others (if you truly love others, then it doesn't matter if they love you back or not [this is so amazingly hard, I need more than daily perseverance in this matter. I need ABIDING perseverance]). It's NOT comfortable to live everyday for Jesus and do things for others when they don't love you, but you love them (But don't be a doormat. Proverbs is clear that God is Wisdom and Wisdom preaches boundaries, but you get the point.). It's not comfortable to be humble and only care about God's love for us and what he thinks.

There is a huge freedom in not being comfortable though, or not wanting to be comfortable anyway (and by "comfortable" I mean "the way you're used to being"). I'm beginning to be able to accept others' love because I can now see clearly who really loves me for just being me, and not because I was trying to please them. I am then able to love them, because I realize that I have been scared of letting down the walls I was keeping up so I wouldn't have to deal with rejection. Rejection still happens, but I am now open to Jesus healing me.

Jesus is teaching me to cherish humanity, HIS intended bride. He is teaching me to take a stand for what he tells me about others. When Jesus discloses something to me about someone else, I usually can't see it with my own eyes. Sometimes I do, but in a few years people change and I find I don't see it anymore. THIS DOES NOT MEAN IT STILL ISN'T TRUE! Jesus knew that person was going to make the mistakes he or she did or are doing WAY before I knew. Still Jesus chose to tell me. And "if God said it, I believe it, and that settles it" (Tate, Matthew).

What is interesting is that what I am going through turns out to be training! Jesus has shown me a glimpse of what intercession, burden bearing, and believing his words is all about. As I only care what Jesus says and only want his love, he asks me to love others with the love he has shown me.

When I see people how Jesus sees them I can intercede for them.

I'm learning how to fight.

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