Thursday, October 15, 2009


Alright, so, I was having a really hard time since Saturday...well...really Friday I suppose. And it's because I'm starting to feel like I felt before God took me away from the youthgroup I as at last year. I'm starting feel unsatisfied and hungry for MORE again! But at the same time, I'm emotionally tired and am feeling the need to soak more and more. God warned me a few weeks ago that I was going to start feeling this way again, but I never seem to be able to prepare myself enough lol.

When it happened last year, I didn't know what was happening. I could identify the feelings, but I didn't know why I was experiencing them. It was like the grace to be at that youthgroup was just GONE. God then told me to leave immediately, so I did. He showed me that I was substituting my personal time with Him with the worship at the youthgroup. This didn't replenish me because I was doing so much ministry at the time with the youth.

So I went away with God and rested.

I'm starting to have similar feelings, but they aren't the same. I'm not draining myself with ministry like's hard to explain. I just KNOW that I'm supposed to rest right now. God has told me and confirmed it in multiple ways. At the same time though, I was really confused, because felt like I was supposed to be DOING something. I know that my relationship with God is not based on works, but I was still feeling pretty useless.

Well, yesterday I was driving to Starbucks, so I was on the road for a while. I realized that I had forgotten to charge my sansa, so I popped in one of my tapes of Mom preaching.

All during the tape, I was talking to God to explain exactly why I was having these feelings and going through this again. I know that I'm a forerunner, and I'm fine with that. But I still didn't understand why I felt like I'm just supposed to soak right now. He was staying pretty silent.

Near the end of the tape, Mom started reading some of John 15. WHAM!

I got the download.

"I am the True Vine, and My Father is the Vinedresser. Every branch in Me not bearing fruit, He takes away, and each one bearing fruit, He prunes so that it may bear more fruit." John 15:1-2

Oh my word, "He prunes"!

God said, "YEEESSS! I'm pruning you. It's okay if you're not doing a lot right now. Just spending time with Me is what you're supposed to be doing. I'll send you out later. Just wait for my cue."

It's the "coffee time" thing again. I was bearing fruit, and now He's pruning me so that way I can bear even MORE fruit. I just need to sit back and let Him snip and snap away (that is such a strange picture lol).

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