Thursday, August 19, 2010

It's You.

Round 2.

I said last night (or this morning) that I was tired. And I was complaining of that to God for the past couple days. So wrong. I was saying that I was tired of hearing Him say something that no one else was saying, tired of hanging onto Him so tightly when most people only point in His general direction, so tired of knowing He is right and everyone else is wrong, so tired of not being the same as other people, so so so, So Tired.

I was fighting. I was not loving. I was striving. I was not resting. I was frustrated. I was not yielded. I did not see Him, what He was doing for me this whole time. Protecting me, guarding me, leading me, walking with me. He is holding me, loving me, cherishing me, asking me to just Be Me.

I asked Him Tuesday out of frustration, "What do you seek from me?!?"

He yelled right back at me, "I seek you! All I wanted from the very beginning was you! Nothing else! All of you! You are more than enough for me! All I have ever asked was for you to be you!"

How could I not see that? How did I lose sight of that? My God.

I am forgiven and I won't dwell on this any more. I will go be with Jesus, my Home, my Heart. I will not ask for anything else from Him but Him. That is all I want. More.

Does this blog repeat itself? Do I lose track often? Do I strive in God's presence everyday? Do I forget the One I loved first? It's a constant battle within me to not focus on everything and anything but Jesus and His words He is constantly whispering to my spirit. Goodbye. He is wooing me further into His embrace.

I refuse to be in this grieving state any longer. Jesus and His heart is my home. He was ALWAYS supposed to be that for me, even before I moved out and came into this season. I refuse to forget. I refuse to fight with Him any more.

I will not be sick. Jesus is my refuge from everything. There is NOTHING in my life but Him.

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