Friday, October 28, 2011

Dreams about my downtime

God has been making sure that I know my television shows aren't a bad thing. At the same time, he has given me wisdom to use, and wisdom tells me that I need to stop if I'm going to be obedient on the course ahead of me, that course being school. Time just doesn't allow for all of the downtime that I wish I had.

I have had two dreams in which God has shown me how I can still unwind thoroughly during my downtimes, but keep them shorter than they would be if I kept unwinding by watching my shows.

The first one, I am sitting outside in a forest, on the edge of a natural pool. The dream lasts a while, and covers several trips I take to the pool. During each trip, I sit down and either think or read. Sometimes a girlfriend is sitting with me in my space. A witch (ofcourse a witch would come disturb my beautiful dream) eventually finds me there and gets in my space. The dream ends with me having to repeatedly remind her what my boundaries are and that she HAS to respect them. Her argument is that I let my girlfriend into my space, so why can't I let her? But I have to stand firm and not feel bad that I have different boundaries with them both.

The second one I had this morning. I am in a gymnastics group that travels and performs/competes. I have to remind those in my group that they are good whenever they feel insecure about their capabilities, and they in turn encourage me to remain strong too.

On a regular (almost daily) basis, I go find a closet or private space and cry from a very deep place inside me. I am very grieved of spirit during my travels, and only allow myself a small time to expel this grief, but I do it religiously. One time, a friend who has come to see my routine finds me in a closet after I have finished crying, and says, "I don't know how you do it all without going crazy!" Then she sees an open journal in front of me, full of writing, and says, "Oh! You journal. That explains it." I then think about it and realize that leaning on my journal to God really is helping me.

The last time I went to grieve right before the dream ended, a tall, beautiful lady followed me. When I knelt down and started crying, she put her hand on my shoulder and started praying for me. She prayed that I would have the strength to not watch the shows I want to watch so badly, so I have time to do everything I have to do.

Then I woke up.

It is funny how that last dream I didn't want to think was from God, even though it was so obviously so. I think this is mainly because I don't REALLY want to think God is paying me so much attention. It makes everything I do all the time so much more personal, and I want to remain aloof to what happens to me everyday, and not believe that it all counts for something. But everything counts, and everything matters. It is all more vastly and deeply important than I know right now, and it is affecting me daily.


  1. “...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will be the same again.”
    ― William P. Young, The Shack