Wednesday, July 6, 2011

A Deficit

It is pretty much 3 in the morning, and I am not tired at all. This is because I ate dark chocolate, forgetting the caffeine that is in every delicious bite. Oh well.

I'm stressed out anyway, so maybe I would already be awake. Job hunting seems to be taking its toll on my emotions, and my emotions were already feeling out of sorts. I have been an angry soul for months now, and I know that it is leaking out. I'm not sure what is causing it. I know that I am frustrated on several levels over different things, but they are not things that I have control over or the power to change. So if that is where the anger is coming from, then angry my soul will stay until it becomes clear how not to be angry.

The things bothering me are the challenges I said I was willing to face in order to grab the wonderful opportunity to have my education mostly paid for by staying in Georgia. These challenges would probably still have to be faced elsewhere, so it probably doesn't matter where I am either way. If I have to bear this, I suspect it is really a small price to pay, and I should be happy. I don't even know why some things bother me so much when I am very blessed.

But it is true that I am bothered anyway, and it is true that my want for other things has me feeling constantly heavy.

My tears have been my food day and night,
While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.

Psalm 42:3-5

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