Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Waiting on the Sunshine

I'm about to head to bed, because I'm full of pizza. And I actually plan to wake up with the sun tomorrow. I have failed for the past two days, but tonight I was watching the sunset and felt like I had totally missed out. When I watched the sunrise on Sunday, the whole day I felt like the sun and I were secret friends. I was hanging 4th of July decorations in a tree outside later that morning, and felt the rays on my neck. I suddenly looked up and thought, "Hey...I know you...." I felt at peace with the day, knowing that I had not missed a second. Never feeling like that before, the plan is to capture that feeling again tomorrow. I'm a solar powered chick.

I went for a walk today in the woods. It was short, and very sweet. If I hadn't been on my way to something, I would have stayed much longer. I did have time to stop and watch a butterfly, and as I watched, I found myself surrounded by birds. Mostly screeching, baby titmice, with the occasional towhee. But still, I really miss Nature. We used to be really close.

I am so busy now that I believe I'm finally realizing what is most important to me. I say no a lot now, because I want to say yes to the things I really want to do during my short spare time. Like blogging, apparently... ;-) Speaking of which, I got sidetracked while writing this blog and have been scanning an old blog...whoa. I'm going to be posting some of that stuff on here soon.

Nature, I'll be seeing you soon.

Let me out from this house, I want the wind in my hair.
The nearness to a window is no longer a sufficient sun.
I'm sick of this vase telling me how deep my roots can reach.
It only gives me as much as it can hold for me to drink.

~ "Wildflower" GS Megaphone

An update for you all about my spiritual boredom: I feel like what I'm about to do this "contending" is like when Jacob wrestled with God. Painful, but worth it. This is something I wrote in a blog in 2008, and I think it fits now as much as it did then.

"to be passionate. to see everything through to the end. to never quit just because it gets too hard. to know what you have to do. to then do what you have to do. to have God tell you that if you don't do it, no one else will. to let your own guards down and let God be your only protection. to live your life walking towards God. And even though He has a gun in His hand, you keep on walking, trusting that He is only going to kill the things that are getting in between both of you. you keep walking even when most of those things end up being parts of you. you keep walking, knowing God loves you and always will. you keep walking, and forget the world's warning that this would happen. that God was going to be walking towards you with a gun in His hand. that He was going to try to kill you. because you know that God wants to make you dead to the world. and as you walk towards Him, you let Him."

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