Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I guess I thought I was okay until I ran this morning.
But every time someone at work asks me how I'm doing, I say I'm "good" or "great", but can't look them in the eye. So I know then that I'm sorta off.
And when I was running this morning, I processed through all of it, until I arrived at the conclusion and then the question. I feel incomplete, like I'm missing my chest, but I'm moving through life anyway.
Why do I feel incomplete?
It makes no sense. I don't get it. Usually I'm fine. Great. But for most of the year now, I have been descending down and down.
But I think my eyes are just being opened to how I am inside so I can let God help me deal with it. This is how I've been all along, but I was high as a kite before, and couldn't see it.
This still doesn't answer my question though. WHY in the heck would I feel so empty or put aside or whatever this is? I feel like this life should be enough, and that it should make me happy. Instead I feel like it is going to swallow me whole and spit me out the other side a completely new and different person...
...which may be God's intent.
Grrr Arrrgh Grrr
I'm going to bed.