Saturday, September 24, 2011

"I'm in the race, but I've already won, and getting there can be half the fun."

I have always loved the movie Legally Blonde. The first night I watched it, I watched it two times in a row. I haven't done that since, and that was back in middle school. It makes me so happy.

Anyway, this movie comes to mind, because for the past 3 months, God has been trying to get me to face how I'm afraid to live up to my full potential. I cop out a lot. I'm very smart, and when I apply myself, it really comes across. Those times when I do apply myself are few and far between though.

I have been applying myself at work, and people, including myself, have noticed. At first it was hard to force myself to think about so many things at once as I helped multiple customers at the same time. Now I hate it when I'm not helping a lot of people. I get bored and start praying that God will sweep more shoppers into the store.

When I do school, I don't push myself at all. It has been coming across in my grades, and I need to set higher standards for myself. I look around me and see how I'm just grabbing onto what my peers at school and everywhere I go expect from me: to not take it so seriously. Go to school, come home, chill out.

I guess this was fine when I was a Social Work student and I had no immediate plans for my future. I did not know what I wanted to do when I "grew up". So it didn't seem to make a difference. And I made good grades anyway, because my teachers were amazing.

Now I am actually taking classes that are steering me clear into my future, but I am sticking to my old, lazy routine. On my ride home from work tonight, I realized that I had some serious choices and sacrifices to make. I'm going to have to cut out a lot of my downtime that I have clung onto, and wake my brain up to work harder so I can catch up. I don't want to fall even more behind.

So, that is my story. I have to sacrifice my current happiness in order to find new joys in my new daily routine.

This may sound minor, but I am pretty comfortable with my current routine of bumming out. It makes me want to cry when I think of how I'm having to leave it. I hate getting older right now! Being a kid was SO AWESOME!

But it will get easier, just like being a sales associate did. Then I will be bored just thinking about bumming out!

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